Papa Roach makes my life.

PAPA ROACH WAS AMAZING.

MY SECOND BEST CONCERT.

More on this tomorrow. I have to sleep.

Currently Listening: Life is a Bullet by Papa Roach

Single me out,

Tear off my front,

Make me expose what I conceal.

:O

The chapter is really short. I'm sorry :(. I just write to the end of the thought. I hope the next chapter is longer. I hate that it's so short. Oh well. Hope it's good enough anyway, despite length. Quality over quantity? I don't evne know if the quality's that great. :/

PAPA ROACH!!!! :D :D

Currently Listening: Have a Drink On Me by PAIN

The older you are, the wiser you get.

Just listen to me.

When life gets tough, and you know it will,

Then have a drink on me.

You're a number one hit.

HELLOOOOOOO out there.

I has EPIC news.

PAPA ROACH RELEASED A NEW SINGLE! :D

Well, not officially, yet. But the video's up, and it's pretty awesome. Exploding heads FTW XD. Well I guess it's not so much exploding as dissolving and then having flesh and blood chunks spewed everywhere :p.
check it out. Hollywood Whore. That guitar riff is awesome. Jerry never disappoints. Lyrics are pretty awesome. They're so outspoken, you would almost think they were from Infest, but PRoach still keeps up with their evolution and maintains the rock sound from Paramour Sessions. No going back to nu-metal for them. :D

I wouldn't be shocked if this got them some publicity. Since it was written about "cunts like Britney Spears and sluts like Paris Hilton" after all. :p

Papa Roach, I love you.

I'M GOING TO SEE THEM IN TWO DAYS! Yay! Did I even mention that here?! o.O. Probably somewhere.

In OTHER news, I downloaded Pain's new album and IT IS FUCKING AWESOME. BUY IT. I am buying it whenever it gets released here. It's fantastic. Peter is awesome. Anette's guest appearances are awesome. It's all AWESOME.

I have not even started or thought about the next fanfic chapter lol. But no worries! I'm coming home at lunch tomorrow and i'll crack down and get to business. May even post it then if it's done. And if not then it waits until after work. Because I get off work at 10. I have to work on Halloween too :(.

You know, I'm increasingly getting this feeling that I'm completely excluded from my friends now. Not necessarily because of my job, not necessarily because I moved. I don't know, it's just this weird feeling I'm getting that I don't belong anymore, that I'm not overly welcome. I'm probably looking too much into it but it's bothering me. A lot more than it probably should. It doesn't help that there are other things bothering me too, and far too many things making me overly happy, things that maybe shouldn't. I'm a raging pile of hormones. WATCH OUT I JUST MIGHT STAB YOU IN YOUR SLEEP. Because I'm crazy doncha know. Really though, it's bugging me a lot. I don't really have anywhere anymore.

House is progressively awesome. I LOVE Olivia Wilde. She's an AMAZING actress. Seriously, splendid. I don't know the last time I saw an actress THAT good. Jesus eff. I look forward to episodes revolving around Thirteen because Olivia is one of the best actors on the show (Hugh Laurie aside, of course :p), imo. I find it so incredibly awesome to watch how convincing she can make it look. Why do so many people hate Thirteen? I don't get it. D: She's too awesome to be hated!

Projects on the go right now:
Sixx:A.M. Accidents Can Happen video icons (14/50 done)
Jacoby Shaddix icons (52/100 done)
Nightwish icons (0/100 done)
Papa Roach Hollywood Whore animated icons
House 5x05 icons (animated & not)
R'Shiel drawing
Anette video
NW fanfic
Letters (!!!)

That's about it for now lolz.

I have learned a few new songs on guitar as well. I learned Alive, No More Secrets and Reckless by Papa Roach, plus Lass Mich Raus by Oomph! and the Sleeping Sun, OTHAFA and Walking in the Air solos by Nightwish. And Cadence of her Last Breath by Nightwish. I'm trying to learn Master Passion Greed as well as the Cadence solo right now. I want to pick up I Devise My Own Demise by Papa Roach if I can find a decent tab for it.

I ordered the Once-songbook. So I'm going to be learning that album very soon. ^.^

I can't remember everything I've written in here in the past while o.O.

Movie rec for you: Alpha Dog. Yeah it's about gangsters, so I assumed I wouldn't like it, but it was quite surprisingly good. I think I just might have to buy it...when I can find my goddamn debit card anyways.

Currently Listening: Hollywood Whore by Papa Roach

Awake by noon, drunk by four.

Sucked up into show biz.

You're so lame, you're such a bore,

I wanna kick your teeth in.

I'M SORRY THE FANFIC UPDATE SUCKS SO MUCH! D:

The next chapter SHOULD be better, and the one after that better...er.

It's short too, I know. NYGAHHH.

Anette's voice is seriously awesome. Like we didn't know that anyway.

Guess what? The gym substitute we had today was hot. He looked like Raine Maida. I kid you not. I didn't even mind that he was chewing gum, that's how good-looking he was. It would be great if he replaced either of the gym teachers. It would give me incentive to go to class each day.

Of course, that didn't change the fact that gym sucked. Basketball and the weight room, on which I stayed on the bike thing, but I had the broken one so the seat was HURTING like HORRIBLE. I was very uncomfortable.

Now, links links links.
First and foremost, some very nice hotness of the girl-on-girl variety, which generally I don't get all "OMFG" over except srsly. Just. Seriously. Watch and see. It's only 42 seconds and not hardcore in any way, if you happen to be worried about that :p.
AND
Pain feat. Anette - Feed Us
Pain feat. Anette - Follow Me

(Follow Me is incredibly awesome.)

I bought Sonic Syndicate's newest album, "Love and Other Disasters" yesterday. I'm enjoying it quite a lot!

AND you'll PROBABLY be getting fanfic updates regularly now, unless I have a good reason (so not that I forgot, lol), due to the fact that someone I talk to regularly is now reading it and claims she'll pressure me to update every week. So there.

Currently Listening: Jack of Diamonds by Sonic Syndicate

My destiny outruns me

And I can't find that key

To lock up everything that's bad

Inside of me.

Forgetful bitch that I am ^.^

OH HAHAHAHA. I forgot to write another update for the fanfic. Well. I doubt anyone's waiting with bated breath for it CONSIDERING HOW HORRIBLE I MADE IT BE LATELY. GAWD. *disgusted with self*

Trying to fix it, also I'll try to have one done tomorrow night. I've been PREOCCUPIED making icons like a motherfucker.

Currently Listening: One More Pill by Stabilo

Said you like the taste,

Yeah the taste of my tongue.

Please forget this face of mine

And I'll forget this space in time.

On writing fanfic about real people.

I was thinking today. You'll find this is something I do from time to time. I was thinking about this Nightwish fanfic I have going. I know it's not the worst out there (I have read some that were like O.O), but I was thinking of what the band themselves would think if they read it (and seriously, god forbid they ever do). I don't think they'd be pissed, so much as horrified that someone's imagination could come up with something like that. Especially Anette. The thing is that, of course I know they're real people, I've met them, spoken to them, had pictures taken with them, but I'm so incredibly far removed from them that they COULD be fiction if I didn't know any better. I wouldn't write a fanfic about, quick example, Anthony's band Jack Straight, even if they ever got famous or whatever. Because I KNOW him, he's a real person in my life through more than lyrics and instruments. Well not like that, he's really just an aquaintance, which is still more than can be said of NW. I guess the reason it's so easy to write fanfic about real people like that who are actors or musicians is that they're so far removed from you, even if they do read it, it's not like a) they'll ever know it was you personally (instead of just whatever internet name you happen to be using), b) they'll be able to confront you or c) you'll have to face their reactions. They might as well be fake for how much I interact with them.

Just saying. I hope that makes sense. Fueled by discussion on the NW.com boards, naturally.

I never really thought before about how I was able to write fanfic about real people. I understand why some people can't fathom it, in fact, I was such a one once. But it's the same as normal fanfic over fictional characters. You write fanfic about PotC, you're still picturing Johnny Depp as Jack and Keira Knightley as Elisabeth. You're writing about this act they're putting on. But you'd be weirded out to write about them as people? Why? You don't know what they're really like and most of what you see is probably just an act anyway, like any other part in any other movie they might have. Same for Nightwish. We gather that Anette is just a happy person who likes to smile, but I'm willing to bet she's NOT like that all the time. Even the happiest person I know doesn't walk around smiling like that, etc. I'm betting a lot of that is an act, since she's not likely to outwardly show when she's pissed right the fuck off. She can't, that's how she alienates fans or potential fans.

And at the same time, I have zero basis in fact, for either thing. One gathers what one can of a person's character from interviews, the same way as another fanfic author would gather an idea of a character from a movie from...the movie. You disconnect yourself from them, and you don't think about what they'd think of it, you pretend they aren't real, and that's how you can write about them as though they AREN'T real.

I CAN'T EXPLAIN THIS. Know, though, that Jessica wrote me (name and all) into one of her stories as someone who gets raped by their father, and other than being mildly weirded out, I didn't really care. It's not real, and all she's really using is my name.

But in a way, I find it almost weirder to write about cartoon characters O.o. I can't explain that probably, but it's trying to add depth to a two-dimensional (for the most part) drawing.

I totally get not want to write about real person sex scenes though. I find those incredibly awkward to read, maybe just because I can't imagine those people I idolize doing that :p. Particularly when it gets kinky hardcore porn writing. Logically, of course, I am aware of the fact that they're all having sex, D-UH OBVIOUSLY THEY ARE, but I don't want to read about it no matter how fake it is, just the same as I'd probably rather die than watch a pornographic movie starring whoever it is.

I'LL SHUT UP NOW.

I hope that was coherent enough. And even if it wasn't, I'm sure no one really cares.

Currently Listening: Replica by Sonata Arctica

Nothing's what it seems to be,

I'm a replica, I'm a replica.

Empty shell inside of me,

I'm not myself, I'm a replica of me.

On time this time!

I give you a new Nightwish fanfic update and again apologize for how short it is, and also if it's crappy. Next chapter should be longer...the reactions almost always are.

Anyways, there you go, enjoy. I have to work tonight :(. Not fun.

bury this hate.

I went to see the movie "Religulous" today. Pretty good. Anti-religion is always right up my alley.
But this best part was as we were walking out of the theatre, I heard these two guys behind me. And one said, "Look, there's a girl in a Nightwish hoodie!" repeated a couple times because the other guy didn't hear him, and then the other guy said, "Oh yeah, Amaranth!" I considered turning around and giving them a big smile, but of course I didn't because my shyness was quite the inhibition. It's great to know that there's NW fans in this great big city. Of course I knew there were, with a sold out show plus those two guys I saw in Nightwish shirts. It's just still happy-making.

So I'm writing an essay right now. I'm kinda at a loss for words atm and it sucks. But I'll write 'til I have a page and a half and then leave and go draw because I want to DRAW goddammit!

I've listened to some shit quality recording of Papa Roach's soon-to-be new single, Hollywood Whore. I'm telling you, it's fucking fantastic. I'm so stoked for that cocnert.

I've decided the next song I'm learning on guitar is Alive by Papa Roach. It will be fun.

Currently Listneing: Bring Back the Sun by Our Lady Peace

We shouldn't have to fight

Or worry about the bills tonight.

I wanted you to know

I want to be your shadow.

SUCCESS!

HA! I POSTED IT WOO! And it's over 1500 words too!
Things are getting kinda back on track.

Anyways, enjoy that latest fanfic installment and I will see you again (there, anyway) on Wednesday provided there are no horrible pitfalls in my life again :p.

Currently Listening: Budget Meeting by Hans Zimmer

[Instrumental]

meh.

FUCK MAN.

Fanfic'll be tomorrow night. Not at lunch. Because I'm not coming home at lunch tomorrow. I say "it'll be one schedule" all happy and assuming that things aren't going to go wrong and then things go wrong and it's not on schedule and I feel bad for saying it will be and then it winds up not being.

God this week is the worst week ever I swear to god. I want it to end. Make it end. I'm tired of it and I want it to go away. I am MISERABLE and hurting (physically) and ill and I keep getting shitty headaches. And I'm grumpy and sad because I keep thinking about the things that make me sad and things are losing meaning, except Papa Roach which has apparently GAINED meaning and I've listened to them for hours now. I wonder what this could mean. Because their music never meant this much to me even when I was a huge fan. Weird stuff is going on with me, man.

I played guitar today and felt a bit better, and then squeed over Anette with someone for a bit and that made me happy too, and now I'm just tired and grumpy and bitchy and wanting to give up. lol. Oh well. Maybe by some odd stroke of luck tomorrow will be better. I harbour doubts that it will be, but I suppose one never knows.

Failure of epic proportions.

Currently Listening: Never Enough by Papa Roach

Now something's wrong with me,

I'm bleeding profusely.

And this seems natural to me,

I fuck up every day.

Somebody put me in my place.

Lateness and lost meaning. That's never good.

Hey. Next chapter might be up a bit late (tonight/tomorrow at lunch) because I haven't written anything as I've been feeling terrible these past days. The only thing that can cheer me up honestly and truly is Twilight sporking and parodies. Which have me doubled over in laughter. Always. They are awesome and I am tired of Twilight.

Anyways, lateness is ick.

Also, Nightwish is...losing meaning for me. This is bad. :(
I have been listening to DPP on repeat since last night, trying to rekindle my love for them. There are a couple songs that are just WOAH that never were before, but for the most part, I don't feel anything when I listen to it now. This is shit. This had better be a phase.

Currently Listening: Escapist by Nightwish

The nightingale in a golden cage,

That's me locked inside reality's maze.

Come someone, make my heavy heart light,

Come undone, bring me back to life.