You helped me keep my dreams alive.

GUESS WHAT?! :D Fanfic update. Hope you like it. Things are winding down now, as I'm sure you can tell by the lighter tone of the chapters, and the way things are finally being resolved.

Have I mentioned that I love Jonsu? Because I do. She's awesome. She plays guitar! I flipped out when I saw that. My respect for Indica went up like 5000 times after that. I'm addicted to them. I ordered an Indica shirt with their Valoissa album. I also ordered a Sonic Syndicate shirt. I'm looking forward to them arriving.

I'm slightly freaked out by the prospect of university. I keep trying to decide what I want to do with my life, what I want to study, what I'd like a career in. Pretty much right now the toss-up is between film director (again. After having met a couple film producers, I realized that I would never be able to handle that) and record producer. Both of them are kind of in the same vein, except with different medias. But the record producer has a vision for the album and tries to bring that to life, the same way as a director for a film has a vision and tries to bring that to life. Though neither writes the script, casts the parts or anything, they're ultimately the ones running the ball game and bringing different thoughts and ideas together. I think either would be cool.

I'm applying at a bunch of universites, once I can figure out how to get ahold of information and applications. There will be U of W, and also U of M, a uni in Vancouver and also one in Toronto, a few in the States, and a couple in Europe. I do really want to get out of Winnipeg. I mean, I'd be freaked right the fuck out to move to say Germany for university, or even the U.S., because I don't know anyone there. I'm really shy, so it would be really scary. At the same time, I'm sure I'd eventually make a friend or two, and the experience would be really rewarding. So I think I should just suck it up and do it, provided I get accepted to an out-of-country university, that is.

Well, today is Shanel's b-day party. I don't have a present for her O.O. I have to go to the bank and take money out. I HATE doing that :/. Money is safer when it's on my debit card in a place where I can't see it.

Speaking of money, my next paycheck is gonna be pretty sweet. Not AS sweet as my last one, but still . I've worked one 4.5 hour shift this week already, plus i'm working 2 8-hour shifts this weekend. Next week I'm working 4 shifts. Though payday is on Thursday but still. So much better than those couple paychecks where I got like...$70. How disappointing is that.

Currently Listeining: Do Or Die by Papa Roach

My strength is overcome by pain,

My love for you remains the same.

The loneliness is setting in.

I have no one to free my sins.

Rinnalleni en tarvi joukkoasi

I'm sorry. I couldn't find words to write this chapter, so it's stuck at like 500 right now, and I don't think you want a chapter that short. So, I have no school tomorrow. I'll keep working on it and you'll find it in the middle of the day over there.

I suck at schedules :p.

I HEART INDICA THEY MAKE ME SO HAPPY. Jonsu is the best. :)

Currently Listening: Shaking by Our Lady Peace

So you fucked this up again.

It's time for you to leave.

You never had many friends,

And you thought this was alright.

Savage Garden is THE SHIT.

Oh my GOODNESS what a sappy chapter.

Well then. I hope you don't mind that. Almost 1500 words! :D

Enjoy enjoy! It was pretty hard to write, so I'm sure they aren't very in-character, but oh well. These things happen.

Currently Listening: The Lover After Me by Savage Garden

Am I all alone in the universe?

There's no love on these streets.

I have given mine away

To a world that didn't want it anyway.

I've wandered ten thousand years for you.

Alright folks. You don't really know me, do you? Many of you don't anyway. But if you've been around this blog, maybe you've gotten an idea of me.

So here's what I'm asking you to do. :p
Go to this site for the Good.
Go to this site for the Bad.

I am interested, and if you have an idea at all about what you tihnk of me, please do it. :)

So, yeah, there's an update coming in a few hours, no worries.

Also, DEAD GARDENS! :D I learned how to play it on guitar. FINALLY. I got all of it NAILED. So now I have to re-learn Ghost Love Score in D tuning instead of Dropped-D. I wish my Firewire wasn't being shitty because I'd totally make a video and show you THAT I CAN PLAY IT AND OMG I'M SO PROUD. lol.

I gave up on the Sixx:A.M. icon challenge. I have no inspiration for it, so whatever.

Man oh man, it was payday today. I got $317! Second biggest paycheck! And as Christmas approaches, I'll be getting more hours, so more stress, but also more money SO MAYBE I'LL ACTUALLY GET MY GUITAR! I'm telling you, that guitar is beautiful and it's gotten nothing but good reviews and omg I want it so badly.

But this is the thing, alright. If I kept all of this paycheck, then after one or two more, I would be able to afford the C-1 Schecter that I want as well. So do I save up and get that when I can afford it or do I go beyond that and keep saving up for the more expensive one, and after I have that one, then save up for the Schecter if I still want it by then? AHH DILEMMA.

Anywho, I'm going to post those links to LJ, Myspace and Facebook now and then go keep playing guitar and then write some more so you have your update in time or shortly after! The fanfic is almost done, I am not even exaggerating. I can't believe it. I really can't. If I get really inspired, I may even completely finish writing it tonight. O.o.

Currently Listening: Gateway by Stabilo Boss

I've been so far gone that there's no need

To try redeeming me.

I believe that I'm the greatest of mistakes

That ever has been made.

Your shit is overrated (or mine, in this case...)

Last.fm needs to stop telling me they have an update available because it never installs properly and it's annoying.

I downloaded some Green Day yesterday because I remembered why I loved them so much and yeah. It's still good stuff. I'm thinking of getting Theory of a Deadman's new album too. Well, it's not new anymore, but their latest album. But I also need Three Days Grace's new DVD.

Anyways, I'm not posting with a purpose today. I realized it's been awhile since I've just posted randomly on this blog. I post to LJ all the time these days, and if you ever see me say I've made icons or something, it's always over there, fyi. Speaking of icons, aside from my Nightwish 100 challenge (whcih I need to get extended) as well as my Jacoby Shaddix 100 challenge and the Sixx:A.M. 50 challenge, I am making even more lyric icons.

I think that no one who reads this actually enjoys the pointless posts, but whateves.

I got Dark Passion Gallery, the Once Songbook and the Nightwish jacket yesterday! DPG is awesome XD. And seriously the songs in Once aren't very easy O.o. Except Ghost Love Score and Nemo of course. THE JACKET IS OMGGG. I really like it. I'm so happy about it. It's nice and warm and fuzzy too.

Well then. I'm afraid my train of thought is barely moving today. I've been working like crazy, I worked for four nights in a row. It just about killed me. But the next paycheck is gonna be quite nice. I'm working again tomorrow, but you'll have a fanfic update after I get back so no worries.

I STILL have to write an essay about Hamlet for English class, but I don't wanna. I want this week to endddd. Right now. But anyways, I'm gonna go try to find a fix for my Firewire problem because I just just remembered about it. It's pissing me off so hardcore, it's ridiculous.

Apparently it was a smoke machine with Anette. I don't know if I believe that, but it works for me and whether or not it's true or the full truth anyway is irrelevant and won't change the fact that it happened. She didn't owe anyone an explanation to begin with, so we should all just be happy that she cares enough to apologize and explain.

Currently Listening: Overrated by Three Days Grace

We can't relate

To what you think you know.

And you create

The problems that will never go away.

There's nothing like the pain I feel for you.

So you all know what happened with Anette in Brazil, eh? Where she was crying and walked off the stage at the end of TPATP? I was thinking about this, and that's the part of the song (and incidentally also the exact line) that almost always makes me cry. And maybe it just struck a profound chord with her that day, because everyone has those days where they feel very emotional and like anything can just set you to bawling. Or maybe she just got some bad news or something and so it struck her extra hard. Rumour has it that she's losing custody of her son? I hope that isn't the case, I will be incredibly sad for her if that actually happens. Just because I wrote about it in my fanfic doesn't mean I ever actually thought it would happen or ever EVER wanted it to. :(

I am horrified by the response of some people to this. I think people forget that she's just as human as the next person and she's allowed to not feel well sometimes and to just want to lay on her bed and cry all day (I get those days sometimes :p) and she's allowed to be sick or pissy or grumpy. And I really hope whatever was bothering her, if it's her voice or personal problems, goes away right away, and that's she's feeling 100% better as soon as she possibly can. Not for Nightwish nor for the fans, but for HER. So that she can feel better and happier. Because isn't it so great to just feel completely content? I wish that feeling for everyone. And I do hope for the sake of the fans that that doesn't happen again, and for the sake of the band that there isn't too much going on her life that she can't stay in it (yet again my secret doubts are welling up that she will actually stick with this band until the next album), but if they have to cancel more shows and if she has to quit the band because that's what's best for her and that's what will give her that feeling of content, then so be it and I hope that's what she does. Of course, I'd be devasted if she quit Nightwish. Completely crushed. I would cry and cry and cry. But the PEOPLE involved matter more than the music they make. Even if she'd never been in this band and if I never knew of her existence, she wouldn't deserve a divorce or losing custody of her son. She would deserve happiness in her life and contentment with how things are. And YOU deserve that, and I deserve that, but sometimes it just doesn't happen. I hope to god she can pick herself up from this and that everything falls into the right place for her and that she's happy, no matter what she has to do to achieve that.

That was a long way of saying that no matter what, she should be happy, and I hope she gets to a place of perfect contentment. :)

In that brief span of time where I met her, and that brief span of time when she acknowledged my existence at the end of the concert, I could TELL that she loves the support, that it really means something to her, that all of this means something to her, and you know that she's an incredible person with a big heart and lots of smiles. I hate to see people like that upset, especially to the point where they're crying. Shanel, if I ever see you cry of anything other than laughter, it will kill me inside. I hope you know that.

Anyways, my Nightwish stuff arrived and I'd go on about that, but the mood isn't quite right.

Hope NW's concert tonight will go splendidly.

And I hope I don't sound too weird for expressing all of that. O.o. I care far too much about people that I don't know. (It's not just bands or anything, like even random people's blogs and stuff, I get sad if they're sad.)

Currently Listening: Not Enough by Our Lady Peace

When they say you're not that strong,

You're not that weak.

It's not your fault.

And when you climb up to your hill,

Up to your place,

I hope you're well.

Nothing is ever carved in stone.

Well I, for one, am quite pleased that Obama won. And I think every American calling him the antichrist is being just a tad RIDICUFUCKINGLOUS. Seriously, he wants to separate the church from the law. That's a GOOD thing. And even if you're of the opinion that it's NOT a good thing, it still isn't nearly bad enough to call him the antichrist O.o. (This is why I don't like religion...)

So I am gonna make me some lunch right now and then write some. I have to work until 10:30 tonight. I really wish she'd stop giving me hours on Wednesdays. I keep missing Pushing Daisies because of it! So I'm thinking I may switch "update day" to Thursday as well. Dunno though. But money is good no matter what. I really wish my Nightwish stuff would arrive already! I'm DYING while wait for it.

SONIC SYNDICATE IS AWESUM.

Currently Listening: My Escape by Sonic Syndicate

In the end, I learned

That one single snowflake

Can set an avalanche in motion.

Some questions are dangerous,

The truth is not an option.

This is the illusion I pulled down over your eyes.

On Papa Roach who are awesome

I am c/ping this. But it all achieves the same thing. Also editing links in a moment. Prepared are you? Halloween sucked ass, thanks for asking.

The opening bands sucked. I mean, I didn't like them. It was The Waking Eyes, from Winnipeg, Default who were full of hits that all sounded alike, Mobile which are actually tolerable, and the boring Watchmen, also from Winnipeg.PAPA ROACH WAS EPIC. There are no other words to describe it. They opened with Between Angels and Insects, and it was amazing. I don't remember the rest of the setlist for sure, but in no particular order, it was:
BAAI
She Loves Me Not
Hollywood Whore
Lifeline
Forever
Getting Away With Murder
Scars
Broken Home
Dead Cell
Reckless
To Be Loved
Time is Running Out
Last Resort

Okay so...Time is Running Out brought Jacoby into the crowd. He walked through the arena, unfortunately heading back to the stage right at the end of the section away from me. Did that make sense at all? Anyways, I love Papa Roach sing-alongs. The "Wooah WOAH. Woah WOAH. Yeah. Yeah." Was fun. She Loves Me Not was great amounts of headbanging fun and tons of energy from the band.

Hollywood Whore is the most amazing live song I have ever seen by any band I swear to god. It kicks such complete ASS. So good. Jacoby said the usual, "Who's sick of bitches like Britney Spears and talentless cunts like Paris Hilton?" as intro. But then he continued on right after Paris Hilton with, "I want to take that fucking silver spoon she was born with in her mouth and gouge her fucking eyes out." And the entire arena ERUPTED into cheers. Awesome.Lifeline was good. Those lyrics I used as the title are from that song. I have loved that line ever since the song was still called Hangin' On. No one knew it, of course, because I AM DIEHARD FAN who watches shitty live performances of new songs. I love that line for reasons I could specify, but it's not the place right now. Anyways, it's got a great groove and energy. It will probably become a single one day.Forever was great, Jacoby asked us to light our lighters, or our cellphones, or that joint we smuggled in in our pockets. :p.

GAWM is always going to be one of my favourite PRoach songs. Jacoby's performance on this song live was simple astounding, and it was incredibly amazing to see almost the entire arena screaming out "GETTING AWAY WITH MURDER!" during the chorus.

Reckless was introduced as being for the partiers and the people who do drugs and drink too much. Jacoby said he doesn't often hate himself, but he wrote that song when he did. Or something like that. I was honestly quite surprised they played that song, because I was expecting mostly singles, due to the fact that they have enough singles for a full setlist. Dead Cell was also a surprise for this reason.A pleasant one. I went completely insane on that one. And Broken Home, too. Broken Home was...just...incredible. Fucking heartfelt.

Scars bored me, but it always has. It was a lot of awesome venting, though, to scream as loud as I possibly could, "GO FIX YOURSELF." God, it felt good. lmao.

Then came Last Resort. The last song :(. It was great, though I think Jerry may have screwed up at the beginning, playing too fast, but I could be mistaken as I was going so nuts headbanging. Then Jacoby got us started on the "Papa Roach! Papa Roach!" chant, which, again, was amazing to see the entire arena screaming it. They took a bow. They left. I was euphoric. Amazing concert. This dude to Janice's right was all like, "You guys totally rocked out." Or something. we were all going nuts. I loved that we had such a good section. I headbanged more at Papa Roach than I did at Nightwish, and I was in the fucking stands at PR.

So definitely my second top concert. It didn't beat out Nightwish in May, but mainly because so much AWESOMENESS happened at that concert that it's not going to be topped for a very long time. Performance-wise, they were probably about equal. Jacoby is the fucking best frontman ever.

Didn't get to meet them/get my pic taken with them, which I think would have made my life, to have met my two very favourite bands twice in less than a year and to have gotten pics with both. But it's alright. The concert was so great. I left with the same feeling a left NW in May with, that feeling of completeness and such content you feel like nothing can bring you down. Not the desperation and depression I faced after Nightwish in Seattle.

These are the only two bands that I've ever felt this strongly about.

Currently Listening: Song to Say Goodbye by Placebo

Before our innocence was lost,

You were always one of those

Blessed with lucky sevens

And a voice that made me cry.

My oh my.