A solo revolution into the light.

I went to see Children of Bodom last night. Pretty awesome! Although they played in the same venue Nightwish played at last year, and there was something about a Finnish band playing in that venue that made me really sad and long for Nightwish.

I haven't listened to a lot of Nightwish lately. I mean, every time I DO listen to it, even if it's just 'cause I'm playing guitar along with it, I love it to bits. But in my every day life, I don't feel much of a draw to listen to it. I usually yearn to listen to Papa Roach or The Kills or some such. Although lately it's been Indica like crazy, and also The Sounds which I was recently introduced to. I guess my mood's been all over.

Wound up staying at work for four and a half hours past my shift today, because I'm fond of them. :). Them being my coworkers. There was actually a job oepning at the HMV in St.Vital, which I'm considering applying for, although it would make me sad not to see a lot of my friends at KP anymore.

Although I'm broke as fuck right now because of missing so much work due to surgery. I'm not full-time so I don't get EI or anything. So my paycheck today was like half of usual, which sucks because I'm going to view an apartment in the very near future and I don't even have enough for a damage deposit right now. Much less a month's rent. So I'm thinking it might be time to take out a loan.

I THINK I'm going to go and watch some TV/a movie and have some food. Maybe the Da Vinci Code again. I think Audrey Tautou is adorable. ♥

Currently Listening: Into the Light by Papa Roach

I've got a head full of wreckage and a mouth full of lies.

My mind's in the gutter, I feel like I wanna die.

I'm the king of nothing, with a broken crown.

I've been taking a beating,

But I won't back down.

ANOTHER UPDATE.

HAHAHAAHAHA

k anyway.

I was in the hospital a week and a half ago! :O

I had appendicitis. And now I have no appendix. It was the worst pain I've ever experienced. I was throwing up until there was nothing left and then I was dry heaving. I couldn't walk. And the docotors kept coming and pressing on it to make a diagnosis (fun fact: you can't be skinny for a CT scan to work) and it HURT SO MUCH. But then they operated and the pain after was so much more bearable than the pain before. Morphine was my best friend during the ordeal.

Oh so I got a new guitar! It's a Schecter Solo-6 Hellraiser in white. It's the same one Jerry uses in Papa Roach's video for I Almost Told You That I Loved You. It came to $1100 after taxes! I know right. But it's worth it and I love it. I've been learning loads of new songs. I'm not letting those solos stand in my way. I plug away at it until I get it. Right now the best solo I can play 100% is the solo in The Donnas' Take It Off.

I don't know why I decided to post. I guess I just thought it would be good to write something here lol. It's weird to think that loads of people are back to school when I don't even have to worry about it at all.

And I'm a killer indie mood lately. INDIE MUSIC RULES.

And the other day, I got a customer to listen to Sonic Syndicate! I think he liked it, event hough he didn't buy the CD. Small success but a notable one at least! ^.^

Currently Listening: Goodnight Bad Morning by The Kills

The jailors in my mind are all dead.

I love you so much, never forget.

All of our secrets are coming undone.

What a beautiful state

We are in.

I AM in fact alive.

HOLY CRAP.

How's it going??

Haha like nobody reads this anymore, but I don't care.

Maybe someone will stumble across this again and then be like, "OH HER WITH THE NIGHTWISH FANFIC. WTF WHY ISN'T IT UPDATED WITH THOSE REQUESTS. BITCH I'LL CUT YOU."

Well here's how my life has been in the past like...three months.

My dad graduated from RCMP training and was posted to Prince Rupert in April.
Nothing really happened in May.
June was the big month.
June 11th - My first shift at HMV, where I finally got hired!!
June 15th - My 18th birthday. I didn't do anything on the day of my birthday, though, other than open a couple presents. My big present of the year was a ps3, because Dallas kept the other one as is only fitting since he bought it.
June 19th - Grad Dinner and Dance/Safe Grad. It's like prom to those who just can't grasp what "grad" means. I of course didn't have a date, but that's okay, not very many people did. I got all dressed up in a dress that was custom made to look like Sharon's dress from Black Symphony (minus the feathers). It turned out really well. I'll post some pictures soon, if I remember. After the dinner (I had my mom, Dallas and my dad with me) was Safe Grad. Which is pretty much the party where no one under the age of 18 is supposed to drink (but of course they do because they have friends over 18). I got pretty drunk, I'll tell you. I think my new favourite drink is vodka with lime. MMMMM. So good lol. Though of course you just can't go wrong with coolers. Those are so delicious. Only one person actually barfed and passed out at Safe Grad, though every single person who was there had a bit (or a lot) to drink. It was hilarious.
June 20th - Went to The Ex (bigass fair in these here parts) for my birthday. Hung out with Renata (assistant manager at HMV, for the record) for most of the actual day. There were tons of people so we didn't get a chance to go on many rides, but we pulled cutsies at the Drop of Fear and waited half an hour as opposed to like two hours lol. We went on the Merry Go 'Round lmao. Also on the Gravitron and the really tall swings. She wanted to go on the Banzai (which is like the Salt and Pepper Shakers just with a different name), but we didn't have enough time. She had to leave at ten with her fiance's family, so I wandered off to find Kailyn and spent the rest of the night with her and her friends. We went on the Ferris Wheel and Niagara Falls. There was no drinking all night, despite it being a celebration of my 18th birthday (which is legal age here).
June 21st - Father's Day. My dad was actually in town too. So he picked me up from work and we went for supper at The Palatal. MMMMM stirfry lol.
June 26th - Convocation, wherein we get our diplomas. Went off without a hitch, saw some peeps for what will likely be the last time. So it was kind of a bittersweet day. Afterwards went to The Keg with the family as a belated birthday/grad celebration. So good.
June 27th - Rock on the Range. WHICH I DIDN'T FUCKING GO TO. And I was so fucking pissed off. I had a fucking field ticket and everything. I am STILL pissed off.
Today I am going to Jessica's grad. She's my coworker/friend from Dollarama.

I put in my two weeks' notice at Dollarama because I don't need that place anymore now that I have HMV.

There's so much more I could tell you, but I won't.

I have not been very creative lately, for which I apologize, as it means those requests will likely go unanswered, despite me having been the one to open the floor to suggestions. C'est la vie though.

THE DONNAS HAVE A CD COMING OUT JULY 7th!! AND OLP ON JULY 21st!!
So excited.

Currently Listening: Paper Moon by Our Lady Peace

I was thinking that if you know a way out,

Then I'd like to go with you.

And we can burn out like candles

Under that paper moon.

They just don't know anything at all.

They just don't know anything at all.

Moving day number one is tomorrow.

Internet will be out for a week.

RAH!

-.-

I keep wondering why...

Well hello there blogosphere. How goes it? Danika here, reporting at you live from my basement.
Today the weather was kinda chilly, kinda windy, but not terrible. One could survive without a toque or gloves.

In the news, you'll find that there's people dying all over the world, and also people being born. Scientists wonder at this phenomenon and hope to fully understand it at some point in the near future.

In Danika's personal life, why don't we go there?

At present, her parents are in the midst of a separation. She is not amused by this, for it means that she will have to move in the very near future, possibly in the next two weeks. She also tires of talking about herself in the third person.

So yeah, my mom and step-dad are separating. I spend most of my days in my bedroom with my music on very loudly now. I don't enjoy being around them. It's weird and uncomfortable. And they're always talking in murmurs upstairs that go increasingly quiet if they hear me approaching. It bothers me, so I choose not to face it. I eat my meals in my bedroom now too. There's no conversations of genuine substance that occur between either me and my mother or me and Dallas.

I'm also growing increasingly weary of people in general. I've begun to think everything might be better, for them and for me, if I just didn't speak. It irks me when I feel like they don't give two shits what I'm saying, and it pisses me off when I regret saying (or not saying) something pretty much the second it leaves (or doesn't leave) my mouth. This is happening with almost everyone I speak to now. ALMOST being the key word. And it's happening in quite nearly every conversation I have, where I either regret what I said, or wish I'd said something that I hadn't. It's just the way it rolls these days, I don't know why. For the past two weeks though, and it's driving me insane.

Work continues to be work. It's not wholly bad and it's not wholly excellent. I'm getting along way more with some coworkers, and way less with others. So that's bittersweet. I'm also slowly befriending the assistant manager at HMV and one of the people who works at Arby's. They're both really nice :). I like talking to them. Sometimes the conversations can be a bit awkward, which is entirely my fault and primarily with the girl at Arby's, because I still haven't fully grasped the moves in the dance of conversation. Getting there though. Anyways, it's kind of a novelty, you know. Getting to know them. Because I don't see them often enough, so it's like slowly, very slowly peeling away the layers. Finding out their name finally (which was the girl at HMV), or small tidbits about what's going on in their life (Arby's girl). I guess they get to know a bit about me too. The girl at Arby's (I'm refraining from saying their names because it's kinda irrelevant anyway) knows that I have multiple families, and the girl at HMV obviously knows the music I'm into. Just like I know that HMV girl is really sick these days and that she likes 3 Doors Down lol. Small things that are pretty much irrelevant in the BIG picture, but are really interesting to find out. I'm finally getting an idea of these people (the only ones who have really taken the time to have a pretty good conversation with me, even though everyone else who works at those stores ALSO sees me on a regular basis), and it makes me happy. It's not something I imagined would really happen with me, mostly because I'm pretty reserved. They took the first step though, and it makes things ten times easier for me. Feels like they really want to talk to me so I don't have to pressure them into the conversation.

There are two other girls at HMV whose names I do not know. One of them appears to no longer be there, but perhaps she's just on vacation, who always had good conversations with me. She used to work at a Dollarama, that's why lol. And the other is just pretty nice and we were talking about how busy the mall was and everything. I may have mentioned her in the summer from when I bought my Shinedown CD. It's the same girl lol.

School is an arduous task, but at present we are watching Gattaca in biology class and Brokedown Palace in law. Of course there's assignments/projects attached to them, but it's two days without worrying about taking epic amounts of notes or having questions assigned or something. I'll do the damn assignments, it's always better than the other questions we're given. In French class, it's the same old shtick we've dealt with every year in high school. Reading a book and filling out handouts. There is absolutely nothing new in that class. Psychology is alright, nothing terribly exciting goes on in it though.

On a personal note, I think I'm starting to come to terms with some things in my life. How I fit in and how I feel towards certain people. My secret infatuation has not diminished significantly, but it has a little bit (if only out of sheer hopelessness, as it were), so I consider this to be a good sign. The faster I get over it, the better, as far as I'm concerned. Unfortunately, it's not just a case of flipping a switch and being done with it because you know you'd be better off not pining over so and so. It would be so much easier if it was though. Anyways, aside from the small bursts of giddyness/nervousness I get at school from that, I'm pretty numb. I don't feel really connected to anyone, at least not as closely as I'd like. I guess it's the same thing I've yearned for for years now and never found. I'd hoped that the way things were going with some of my coworkers, maybe I'd finally find someone I could implicitely trust, but although there is still one strong candidate for that, the chances are nothing's gonna come of it. Every time I have the chance to finally explain myself and to tell what I've really wanted to all along, I close up. I dunno. I guess it's not so much the fear (with some people) that it'll be betrayed and told to someone else, it's more the worry that they don't actually care, and they wouldn't really listen when I told them, that they wouldn't understand how important that information was to me. /emo rant.

I like to laugh and smile. I just don't find the will in me at this point in time to do much of it genuinely anymore. However, I did have to smile when I made one of my LJ friends really happy by telling her I'd mail her Papa Roach's new album when it comes out. And I will for sure. It'll be her late birthday present. And I was always happy just to draw something for my other online friend and mail it to her. It feels like I did something that mattered, something concrete or I don't know how to explain lol. Anyways, she seemed to like it :).

Nothing much more to say. I'm really digging Kamelot these days. But I also watched Within Temptation's Black Symphony the other night and now I can't stop listening to Within Temptation. Omg The Cross <3333.

Currently Listening: The Cross by Within Temptation

Why have you waited to embrace me, my dear?

Cold is your silence, denying what is real.

I'm still wondering why

I'm still calling your name, my dear.

So sorry you never wanted me.

HELLO!

Are you aware of how fantastically awesome The Donnas are? ARE YOU REALLY? Because if you aren't, I strongly suggest you go and check them out.

Here's life in a nutshell: Semester one is FINISHED. I got 73% on my math provincial exam and 80% on my English provincial exam. I passed Phys.Ed. I am volunteering at Special Olympics on Saturday. At present, I cannot find my mp3 player and this distresses me to no end. I am completely smitten with Olivia Wilde. I am also smitten with Dero Goi. They are my loves of choice at this moment in time. I bought a new Nightwish poster and a Rammstein hoodie. I also continue to buy far too much at HMV, but I'm trying to cut back a bit. It helps that my hours at work have been cut down. On that note, I'm also looking for another job in order to save up for my guitar and get it that much faster. I intend to move away when I graduate in June. Well not WHEN, but after the summer. And I will probably spend a few months settling into wherever I move to before I start going to school to study to be an audio engineer.

That's not too interesting but that's where we stand right now. Actually, I have this ridiculous crush on someone right now, but no one knows exactly who that is and I intend to keep it that way, and it's slowly eating away at me. I hope to get over this over the course of the next semester. Cross your fingers for me?

I've been thinking about starting a Papa Roach fanfic, but I'm not too sure yet. I also have a couple ideas for new Nightwish fanfics floating around, but again, I just don't know. I guess we'll see, won't we? Give me a prompt or two for oneshots and I'll be more than happy to write them to get back into the writing mood. And I'm being serious.

Rumour has it that Sonata Arctica is coming here in March, and Children of Bodom is for sure coming here in April. I'm gonna see them both (provided SA is true). I know I would enjoy Sonata Arctica far more than CoB, but CoB is still good...and Alexi is HAWT!

Currently Listening: The Gold Medal by The Donnas

So what were you expecting?

Every song has a perfect ending,

But that not good enough,

Not good enough for you.

I thought you opened up your gates.

You claim that everyone relates.

What was I thinking when I thought

That meant me too?

Happy belated New Year btw!

Leave me an anonymous note!

And no, you don't even need an LJ account to do it ^.^

I'm not expecting any, but it would be nice.

Okay survey. I'm bored.

Lyric from the song you're listening too?
"Tomorrow, you're gonna have to live with the things you say."

Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed?
I don't know because I didn't talk to anyone late last night.

Have you made a mistake this past week?
Yeah, every day I make the mistake of think way too much about things that I shouldn't.

Do you know anyone with the same name as you?
I met one girl with my same name once. I don't talk to her anymore; I was very young.

Have you ever kissed anyone whose name begins with C?
Aha yeah.

How is the weather right now?
Cold.

What do you always take with you?
My bus pass and debit card.

What are you stressing about right now?
Nothing in particular, although the English exam tomorrow is kinda stressful.

What are you wearing right now?
Jeans, Papa Roach shirt, sweater.

Are you growing apart from someone close?
Not really.

If yes, does it bother you?
See above.

This time last year what was your love life like?
Nonexistant.

How is it now?
Lots of pining but nothing that'll ever come from it.

Have you ever had a serious conversation with your dad?
I've tried but I don't fucking bother anymore because everything's a joke to him.

Do you miss anyone?
Sure, I miss them until I see them again, and then I want them to go away.

Do you think anyone has feelings for you?
No.

What is something you really want right now?
My fucking guitar goddammit.

How many piercings do you have?
One: eyebrow.

Have you ever had a really big fight with a best friend?
Of course.

Name something you CANNOT wait for?
Turning 18.

What is the last thing you used your own money for?
I guess yesterday when I bought the usual at Arby's and a game at HMV.

Can you tell when something bad is gonna happen?
Occasionally.

Would you rather have long or short hair?
Somewhere in between I guess.

What are you about to do? Eat then sleep.

Can you write with both hands?
Not well.

Has someone of the opposite sex told you they loved you and meant it?
Nope. :(

How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?
One.

Are you in a relationship?
No.

How's your heart lately?
Very lonely.

Do you want to see someone this very minute?
No, I don't feel like being around people right now.

Is there a reason for your myspace song?
If it's the one I think it is, then it's just because it's their latest song.

Who was the last girl you talked to?
Jessica (from work, not Jessica A).

Does anyone hate you?
I'm guessing so, but I'm not aware of it.

Are you afraid of roller coasters?
No, I just don't find them enjoyable. They give me whiplash and it's unpleasant.

How many hours did you sleep last night?
Two.

Like anyone?
Yes.

Think anyone's cute?
Duh.

Ever turned a girl/boy down you shouldn't have?
No.

Is there someone you don't ever want to be out of your life?
I don't really know.

Are you happy?
At this precise moment I have no complaints, but with life in general, not really. Right now anyway.

What were you up to at 11pm last night?
I don't fucking remember. I might have been watching Chuck or in my room drawing.

When was the last time you had butterflies?
Today.

What are you looking forward to in the next 4 days?
Nothing.

What was the first thing you thought this morning? Stupid fucking school.

Current mood?
Tired and hungry and grumpy.

Have you ever had a black and white cat?
Yeah. Two actually.

Two names you go by?
Two names that aren't my actual name? Well I guess Nika and Smiles.

Is there any drama in your life right now?
Actually not really. Or at least not relevant aha.

Who was your last phone call from?
Grandma.

Do you think more about the past, present, or future?
Present.

Who was your last text from?
Jessica (from work).

Who is the last person to tell you "I love you"?
My mother?

What are you craving right now?
Mozza sticks gaddammit >.<

Do you do your own laundry?
Yes.

Do you like Chinese food?
No *gag*.

Do you have a secret that less than 3 people know about?
People in my real life, yes. As far as I'm aware. Though several people online are aware of it.

What color are your socks?
One is red and the other is dark blue.

How many hours of sleep do you personally need to function well?
Four I guess?

What's your favorite article of clothing?
This grey sweater with thumbholes aha. Or my Nightwish tour shirt (from the first concert).

Have you ever dyed your hair?
Always.

Do you work hard in school?
I used to work a lot harder at everything, but I kind of gave up this year.

Do you like your school?
It isn't terrible.

If anyone came to your house on your "lazy days", what would you be wearing?
My PJs I guess.

What color shirt are you wearing?
Grey.

What does it say? It says Papa Roach and it has their pretty cool "Heartless" design.

Do you like to cuddle?
Sure.

Will your next kiss be a mistake?
I don't know.

Ever met someone with cancer?
Yes, several.

Think of the person you told "I love you" last, did you mean it?
Yes, considering that was my mom lol.

What did you do this weekend?
Worked and did nothing else of importance.

What are you doing right now?
This and talking to a friend on last.fm and trying not to faint of hunger.

Do you and your parents get along?
For the most part.

Do you ever turn off your cellphone?
Sometimes at night.

Did you listen to a song that reminded you of anyone today?
Almost every song can remind me of SOMEONE.

Do you want to tell someone how you feel?
I don't actually know.

Where are you at right now?
In the basement.

How many different things did you drink today?
Umm I had a lot of hot chocolate and some diet Pepsi but I think that's it.

If you could change your eye color, would you?
Definitely. Stupid dull green eyes are boring.

Would you prefer a baby boy or girl?
I don't like kids at all.

Do you text or call more?
Text, and I don't do very much of that either.

When you are home alone, do you still close the door when you shower?
Yup, and I lock it too. Force of habit I guess.

Have you recently done anything that you wouldn't want your parents to find out?
I guess.

Do you like waking up in the morning to find that you have new texts?
I'm surprised but feel no other particular emotion.

Are you usually wide awake in the mornings?
No. I am so not a morning person.

Did you ever read any of the Babysitters Club books?
Oh god, I think I actually might've read one.

What is bothering you right now?
Me and how I'm a stupid fucking idiot.

Where is your cell phone?
Right in front of me on the desk.

If you're being extremely quiet, what does that mean?
That I have something bothering me or I feel quite out of place.

What celebrities do you find attractive?
This list could go on forever. But okay, top five. Anette Olzon, Olivia Wilde, Jacoby Shaddix, Barry Watson and Tuomas Holopainen.

Does it take a lot to make you cry?
No, but I don't full-out cry in front of people EVER.

What do you do when you're nervous?
I don't make eye contact with anyone and fidget.

What does the newest text message in your inbox say?
Work tomorrow?

Do you think it's cute when a guy buys a girl a promise ring?
Not really. I think it's pretty ridiculous.

Do you drink more water or juice?
Juice. Water's so...flavourless.

Are you there for your friends?
I do my best. But they never come to me for help anyway, so I don't have to try too hard.

How different are you from three years ago?
I guess I;m less of a loser and more in touch with who I am.

When's the next time you will see the person you like?
Tomorrow if all goes well.

When was the last time you cried?
Two days ago I think.

What's your favorite color?
Blue and dark purple and red. NO I CAN'T CHOOSE JUST ONE OKAY.

How good is your vision?
Not so great...hence the glasses.

What should you really be doing right now?
Sleeping.

Last person you were in the car with besides your family?
I don't know, I don't keep track of this shit.

Are you currently frustrated with someone?
Myself?

Do you use chapstick?
Yeah.

Do you like your hair?
It's alright, but I like to change it up pretty frequently lately.

Would it hurt to see the one you love making out with someone else? NO I THINK I WOULD TOTALLY NOT CARE AT ALL BECAUSE THAT'S THE TOTALLY LOGICAL REACTION. Obviously.

Are you afraid to grow up?
Kind of. Don't know what's going to happen after grad and it freaks me out.

What is something you wish you had more of?
Money.

Do you have someone who you can be your complete self around?
Nope, unfortunately.

Are you usually the first to say sorry when you're in a fight, or the last?
I don't know.

Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?
Yes.

Do you plan on hugging the last person you hugged again?
Yup. I like hugs haha.

Where is your number one person on your friends list?
On Myspace I'd imagine at their own homes in Finland/Sweden lol.

How late did you stay up last night?
Well when I finally got into bed (though ofc I dind't fall asleep right away) my clock read 4:30 AM.

Does seeing couples in love make you mad?
No. It just makes me wish I had that.

When you take a drink of something, do you hold your pinky up?
No.

Ever stayed up all night on the phone?
No.

Do you have a reason to smile right now?
At this precise moment, no.

Do you usually have weird dreams?
More often than not.

Will this weekend be a good one?
It's unlikely but I guess you never know.

Do you curse a lot?
Yeah.

Can you cook?
Easy foodstuffs, sure.

Where was the last bruise you got on yourself and from what?
I don't know. The last one I noticed was on my leg and I think I got it at work.

Currently Listening: Get Out Alive by Three Days Grace

If I stay, it won't be long

'Til I'm burning on the inside.

If I go, I can only hope

That I'll make it to the other side.