12.28.2008

I FAIL AT LIFE

YUHA. It's been a little while, hasn't it? Well what's happened with me? Nothing much, I'm afraid. I've been working like crazy, I saw my dad & family for Christmas and all 'round, things have been well. There's been some moments where I've wanted to shoot myself, but I get over those and life goes on pleasantly enough. I got a new amp for Christmas. It's pretty sweet. I've also been buying an assload of stuff from HMV these days. I'm pretty sure I have at least 12 bags in my room right now.

My obsession of the month has definitely been Olivia Wilde. She's so incredibly talented. I need to get ahold of her movie "Fix". I've looked all over the place for somewhere to order it and I just can't find it ANYWHERE. Ohhh it has to be sold SOMEWHERE right?! :'(

Oh I got Sonic Syndicate's other CD Only Inhuman for x-mas! :). I was pretty pleased. They have one other CD I believe, but I'm not interested in it. They got softer once Roland joined and I like the softer sound of theirs. I've never been much into the really agressive metal. Children of Bodom being the exception, but I rarely listen to them anyway. I realized I'm still a bigger fan of rock music at the end of the day. I like metal, and I'm discovering more and more metal bands that I like, but ultimately, the more melodic sound of rock music is preferable to my ears. Less palm-muted, incredibly fast guitar. You know. But I still love me my metal bands. Nightwish, Epica, WT, COB, Sonata Arctica, Sonic Syndicate, so on and suchforth. Yeah :). I like industrial metal a lot too though, especially when it comes to male vocalists. Maybe because again, it's more melodic than typical metal. I love how metal has all the sub-categories though. You know? I think that's pretty cool. I doubt you'll find another genre with that much variety under one...figurative roof.

So this was just to hit you up and let you know that, yeah, I'm alive and doing well ^.^. I don't think anyone reads this anymore, with the exception of those who stumble across it via random search engines. I tried to write in here about a week ago but it was all "Your cookies aren't activated" when they were so I was all, "FUCK ME SIDEWAYS. THIS HAD BETTER NOT BE ANOTHER VUNDO." But it wasn't! Yay.

Currently Listening: Second Chance by Shinedown

My eyes are open wide.
By the way, I made it through the day.
I watched the world outside.
By the way, I'm leaving out today.
I just saw Hayley's comet. She waved,
Said, "Why you always running in place?
Even the man in the moon disappeared
Somewhere in the stratosphere."

12.04.2008

It's all over.

So ends an era. Well hey, a story I've been writing for almost a year might as well count as an era.

Hard to believe it's over.

Well I might write another someday.

We'll see I suppose.

Going to finish and start my Christmas shopping today because it was payday and payday = money for presents.

OMG THE O.C. OMG. Isn't it great?

Currently Listening: Hollywood Whore by Papa Roach

Whitetrash queen, American dream.
Oh what a role model.
Throwing a fit, making a scene,
Like no tomorrow.

12.02.2008

I love Jonsu. Lovelovelovelove. Also 38 "secrets".

O HAI. Well, if you check my LJ, I think I'll have some icons up by the end of the week ;). Icons featuring Jonsu (OF COURSE!), Anette and Simone, as well as two actresses, animated Papa Roach Hollywood Whore ones and animated House 5x05 ones. :)
I hope to be done by the end of the week, anyway. It shouldn't be too hard.

I bought The O.C. Season 2, just for Olivia Wilde being in it (I get kinda ridiculous over things/people that I am a fan of, I know) and I'm thoroughly enjoying it so far.

My Sonic Syndicate shirt arrived today! :D It's kind of big, but I'll get it taken in around the torso and sleeves and it should fit well. I was also pleasantly surprised to find two free stickers and a SS postcard with my order. That was very nice of them. The stickers are just the covers of their last two albums, "Only Inhuman" and "Love and Other Disasters". They are pretty cool though. And the postcard has a picture of the band on the front, so that's gonna go on my wall.

We had to write these rants in class and I chose to write about misjudging the soldiers who fight in wars blahblahblah (going back to the American soldiers being clalled "baby killers" after the Vietnam war). But then I volunteered to read it, and it's not like we had to stand up or anything, and as soon as I started reading, I got RIDICULOUSLY nervous. Seriously, it was absolutely terrible. I was just thinking the whole time like "STOP IT WTF". Because you know you start shaking and your voice starts shaking and you feel like you're going to throw up. And I couldn't figure out why it was such a bad attack of nervousness over this stupid thing, because I HAVE gotten better at presentations. Not EXCEPTIONALLY better, but I have improved since grade 9, and it's been a long time since I've felt that nervous, but man. So I was thinking about why I could have had that reaction and the only thing I can think of is because it's my own opinon on things, instead of like a play for Hamlet or whatever. It's like, if people mock it, they're mocking what I believe. I don't know. It was extremely unpleasant, and I regretted it almost as soon as I started. I should have given up after the second sentence and told the teacher to finish reading it :/. It was really, really bad. I hope that doesn't happen again.

Anyways.

thirty-eight secrets about yourself!
be honest, no matter what.

one ; have you ever been asked out ?
Once.

two ; where was your profile picture taken ?
(This is from Facebook) It was taken in Seattle with Marco!

three ; what's your last name ?
LeDressay.

four ; what's your current relationship status ?
Single.

five ; does your crush like you back ?
The chances of that EVER happening are slim to none. And I'm leaning toward the latter.

six ; what is your current mood ?
Bored.

seven ; what color underwear are you wearing ?
Black.

eight ; what color shirt are you wearing ?
Black and pink.

ten ; beginning of grade eight?
Um what about it? I had friends. Where did number 9 go?

eleven ; if you must be an animal for one day, what would you be?
A bird of some sort. Flying would be fun.

twelve ; ever had a near death experience ?
Yeah, I narrowly escaped being hit by a car downtown.

thirteen ; something you do a lot ?
Play guitar?

fourteen ; last time you went to the movies ?
A couple Saturdays ago to see Twilight (WHICH SUCKED ANUS BTW)

fifteen ; who did you copy and paste this from?
Girl in my gym class.

sixteen ; name someone with the same birthday as you ?
Courtney Cox Arquette ;)

seventeen ; when was the last time you cried?
I actually cried a little bit today but it was over something completely ridiculous O.o.

eighteen ; have you ever sang in front of a large audience ?
Once. Never, ever again.

nineteen ; if you could have one super power, what would it be ?
Mind-reading. But at will, not like having a bunch of people's thoughts attacking you all the time.

twenty ; what's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Eyes and/or smile.

twenty-one ; what do you usually order from starbucks ?
When I'm in the mood for something cold, I order a mocha frappucino, and when I want something hot, I order a cinnamon dolce latte.

twenty-two ; what's your biggest secret ?
At the moment it's...well there's a reason it's a secret ;)

twenty-three ; favorite colors ?
Black, blue, red, and sometimes also dark purple.

twenty-four ; do you still watch kiddy movies or tv shows ?
Hellz yeah! When there's nothing else on, Spongebob or Fairly Oddparents or Ruby Gloom FTW!

twenty-five ; what are you eating or drinking at the moment ?
I was actually thinking of getting a Caramilk bar after I was done this, but atm nothing.

twenty-six ; do you speak any other language ?
French!

twenty-seven ; what's your favorite smell ?
Cinnamon.

twenty-eight ; have you ever kissed in the rain ?
No.

twenty-nine ; what are you thinking about right now?
I am thinking about things I shouldn't be thinking about.

thirty-one ; What should you be doing right now?
Probably writing my English essay.

thirty-two ; who was the last person that made you upset/angry ?
Genuinely angry? I'm not really sure. But just annoyed, well my mom or Shanel. One of the two :p.

thirty-three ; how often do you pray ?
I don't. Because I don't believe in RELIGION or GOD or PRAYING.

thirty-four ; do you like working in the yard ?
Not really.

thirty-five ; if you could have any last name in the world, what would it be?
Something cool, but I'm not sure what. I kinda like my last name.

thirty-six ; do you act differently around the person you like?
I don't think so O.o. I mean, I'm pretty sure no one knows a) that I like anyone (though now it will be common knowledge) or b) who it is. In which case, I succeed! I AM NOT GOING TO TELL YOU WHO SO DON'T EVEN ASK.

thirty-seven ; what is your natural hair color?
Blonde.

thirty-eight ; do you like your name ?
Meh.

Currently Listening: Never Too Late by Three Days Grace

This world will never be
What I expected.
And if I don't belong,
Who would have guessed it?

11.28.2008

You helped me keep my dreams alive.

GUESS WHAT?! :D Fanfic update. Hope you like it. Things are winding down now, as I'm sure you can tell by the lighter tone of the chapters, and the way things are finally being resolved.

Have I mentioned that I love Jonsu? Because I do. She's awesome. She plays guitar! I flipped out when I saw that. My respect for Indica went up like 5000 times after that. I'm addicted to them. I ordered an Indica shirt with their Valoissa album. I also ordered a Sonic Syndicate shirt. I'm looking forward to them arriving.

I'm slightly freaked out by the prospect of university. I keep trying to decide what I want to do with my life, what I want to study, what I'd like a career in. Pretty much right now the toss-up is between film director (again. After having met a couple film producers, I realized that I would never be able to handle that) and record producer. Both of them are kind of in the same vein, except with different medias. But the record producer has a vision for the album and tries to bring that to life, the same way as a director for a film has a vision and tries to bring that to life. Though neither writes the script, casts the parts or anything, they're ultimately the ones running the ball game and bringing different thoughts and ideas together. I think either would be cool.

I'm applying at a bunch of universites, once I can figure out how to get ahold of information and applications. There will be U of W, and also U of M, a uni in Vancouver and also one in Toronto, a few in the States, and a couple in Europe. I do really want to get out of Winnipeg. I mean, I'd be freaked right the fuck out to move to say Germany for university, or even the U.S., because I don't know anyone there. I'm really shy, so it would be really scary. At the same time, I'm sure I'd eventually make a friend or two, and the experience would be really rewarding. So I think I should just suck it up and do it, provided I get accepted to an out-of-country university, that is.

Well, today is Shanel's b-day party. I don't have a present for her O.O. I have to go to the bank and take money out. I HATE doing that :/. Money is safer when it's on my debit card in a place where I can't see it.

Speaking of money, my next paycheck is gonna be pretty sweet. Not AS sweet as my last one, but still . I've worked one 4.5 hour shift this week already, plus i'm working 2 8-hour shifts this weekend. Next week I'm working 4 shifts. Though payday is on Thursday but still. So much better than those couple paychecks where I got like...$70. How disappointing is that.

Currently Listeining: Do Or Die by Papa Roach

My strength is overcome by pain,
My love for you remains the same.
The loneliness is setting in.
I have no one to free my sins.

Rinnalleni en tarvi joukkoasi

I'm sorry. I couldn't find words to write this chapter, so it's stuck at like 500 right now, and I don't think you want a chapter that short. So, I have no school tomorrow. I'll keep working on it and you'll find it in the middle of the day over there.

I suck at schedules :p.

I HEART INDICA THEY MAKE ME SO HAPPY. Jonsu is the best. :)

Currently Listening: Shaking by Our Lady Peace

So you fucked this up again.
It's time for you to leave.
You never had many friends,
And you thought this was alright.

11.21.2008

Savage Garden is THE SHIT.

Oh my GOODNESS what a sappy chapter.

Well then. I hope you don't mind that. Almost 1500 words! :D

Enjoy enjoy! It was pretty hard to write, so I'm sure they aren't very in-character, but oh well. These things happen.

Currently Listening: The Lover After Me by Savage Garden

Am I all alone in the universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I have given mine away
To a world that didn't want it anyway.

11.20.2008

I've wandered ten thousand years for you.

Alright folks. You don't really know me, do you? Many of you don't anyway. But if you've been around this blog, maybe you've gotten an idea of me.

So here's what I'm asking you to do. :p
Go to this site for the Good.
Go to this site for the Bad.

I am interested, and if you have an idea at all about what you tihnk of me, please do it. :)

So, yeah, there's an update coming in a few hours, no worries.

Also, DEAD GARDENS! :D I learned how to play it on guitar. FINALLY. I got all of it NAILED. So now I have to re-learn Ghost Love Score in D tuning instead of Dropped-D. I wish my Firewire wasn't being shitty because I'd totally make a video and show you THAT I CAN PLAY IT AND OMG I'M SO PROUD. lol.

I gave up on the Sixx:A.M. icon challenge. I have no inspiration for it, so whatever.

Man oh man, it was payday today. I got $317! Second biggest paycheck! And as Christmas approaches, I'll be getting more hours, so more stress, but also more money SO MAYBE I'LL ACTUALLY GET MY GUITAR! I'm telling you, that guitar is beautiful and it's gotten nothing but good reviews and omg I want it so badly.

But this is the thing, alright. If I kept all of this paycheck, then after one or two more, I would be able to afford the C-1 Schecter that I want as well. So do I save up and get that when I can afford it or do I go beyond that and keep saving up for the more expensive one, and after I have that one, then save up for the Schecter if I still want it by then? AHH DILEMMA.

Anywho, I'm going to post those links to LJ, Myspace and Facebook now and then go keep playing guitar and then write some more so you have your update in time or shortly after! The fanfic is almost done, I am not even exaggerating. I can't believe it. I really can't. If I get really inspired, I may even completely finish writing it tonight. O.o.

Currently Listening: Gateway by Stabilo Boss

I've been so far gone that there's no need
To try redeeming me.
I believe that I'm the greatest of mistakes
That ever has been made.

11.12.2008

Your shit is overrated (or mine, in this case...)

Last.fm needs to stop telling me they have an update available because it never installs properly and it's annoying.

I downloaded some Green Day yesterday because I remembered why I loved them so much and yeah. It's still good stuff. I'm thinking of getting Theory of a Deadman's new album too. Well, it's not new anymore, but their latest album. But I also need Three Days Grace's new DVD.

Anyways, I'm not posting with a purpose today. I realized it's been awhile since I've just posted randomly on this blog. I post to LJ all the time these days, and if you ever see me say I've made icons or something, it's always over there, fyi. Speaking of icons, aside from my Nightwish 100 challenge (whcih I need to get extended) as well as my Jacoby Shaddix 100 challenge and the Sixx:A.M. 50 challenge, I am making even more lyric icons.

I think that no one who reads this actually enjoys the pointless posts, but whateves.

I got Dark Passion Gallery, the Once Songbook and the Nightwish jacket yesterday! DPG is awesome XD. And seriously the songs in Once aren't very easy O.o. Except Ghost Love Score and Nemo of course. THE JACKET IS OMGGG. I really like it. I'm so happy about it. It's nice and warm and fuzzy too.

Well then. I'm afraid my train of thought is barely moving today. I've been working like crazy, I worked for four nights in a row. It just about killed me. But the next paycheck is gonna be quite nice. I'm working again tomorrow, but you'll have a fanfic update after I get back so no worries.

I STILL have to write an essay about Hamlet for English class, but I don't wanna. I want this week to endddd. Right now. But anyways, I'm gonna go try to find a fix for my Firewire problem because I just just remembered about it. It's pissing me off so hardcore, it's ridiculous.

Apparently it was a smoke machine with Anette. I don't know if I believe that, but it works for me and whether or not it's true or the full truth anyway is irrelevant and won't change the fact that it happened. She didn't owe anyone an explanation to begin with, so we should all just be happy that she cares enough to apologize and explain.

Currently Listening: Overrated by Three Days Grace

We can't relate
To what you think you know.
And you create
The problems that will never go away.

11.11.2008

There's nothing like the pain I feel for you.

So you all know what happened with Anette in Brazil, eh? Where she was crying and walked off the stage at the end of TPATP? I was thinking about this, and that's the part of the song (and incidentally also the exact line) that almost always makes me cry. And maybe it just struck a profound chord with her that day, because everyone has those days where they feel very emotional and like anything can just set you to bawling. Or maybe she just got some bad news or something and so it struck her extra hard. Rumour has it that she's losing custody of her son? I hope that isn't the case, I will be incredibly sad for her if that actually happens. Just because I wrote about it in my fanfic doesn't mean I ever actually thought it would happen or ever EVER wanted it to. :(

I am horrified by the response of some people to this. I think people forget that she's just as human as the next person and she's allowed to not feel well sometimes and to just want to lay on her bed and cry all day (I get those days sometimes :p) and she's allowed to be sick or pissy or grumpy. And I really hope whatever was bothering her, if it's her voice or personal problems, goes away right away, and that's she's feeling 100% better as soon as she possibly can. Not for Nightwish nor for the fans, but for HER. So that she can feel better and happier. Because isn't it so great to just feel completely content? I wish that feeling for everyone. And I do hope for the sake of the fans that that doesn't happen again, and for the sake of the band that there isn't too much going on her life that she can't stay in it (yet again my secret doubts are welling up that she will actually stick with this band until the next album), but if they have to cancel more shows and if she has to quit the band because that's what's best for her and that's what will give her that feeling of content, then so be it and I hope that's what she does. Of course, I'd be devasted if she quit Nightwish. Completely crushed. I would cry and cry and cry. But the PEOPLE involved matter more than the music they make. Even if she'd never been in this band and if I never knew of her existence, she wouldn't deserve a divorce or losing custody of her son. She would deserve happiness in her life and contentment with how things are. And YOU deserve that, and I deserve that, but sometimes it just doesn't happen. I hope to god she can pick herself up from this and that everything falls into the right place for her and that she's happy, no matter what she has to do to achieve that.

That was a long way of saying that no matter what, she should be happy, and I hope she gets to a place of perfect contentment. :)

In that brief span of time where I met her, and that brief span of time when she acknowledged my existence at the end of the concert, I could TELL that she loves the support, that it really means something to her, that all of this means something to her, and you know that she's an incredible person with a big heart and lots of smiles. I hate to see people like that upset, especially to the point where they're crying. Shanel, if I ever see you cry of anything other than laughter, it will kill me inside. I hope you know that.

Anyways, my Nightwish stuff arrived and I'd go on about that, but the mood isn't quite right.

Hope NW's concert tonight will go splendidly.

And I hope I don't sound too weird for expressing all of that. O.o. I care far too much about people that I don't know. (It's not just bands or anything, like even random people's blogs and stuff, I get sad if they're sad.)

Currently Listening: Not Enough by Our Lady Peace

When they say you're not that strong,
You're not that weak.
It's not your fault.
And when you climb up to your hill,
Up to your place,
I hope you're well.

11.05.2008

Nothing is ever carved in stone.

Well I, for one, am quite pleased that Obama won. And I think every American calling him the antichrist is being just a tad RIDICUFUCKINGLOUS. Seriously, he wants to separate the church from the law. That's a GOOD thing. And even if you're of the opinion that it's NOT a good thing, it still isn't nearly bad enough to call him the antichrist O.o. (This is why I don't like religion...)

So I am gonna make me some lunch right now and then write some. I have to work until 10:30 tonight. I really wish she'd stop giving me hours on Wednesdays. I keep missing Pushing Daisies because of it! So I'm thinking I may switch "update day" to Thursday as well. Dunno though. But money is good no matter what. I really wish my Nightwish stuff would arrive already! I'm DYING while wait for it.

SONIC SYNDICATE IS AWESUM.

Currently Listening: My Escape by Sonic Syndicate

In the end, I learned
That one single snowflake
Can set an avalanche in motion.
Some questions are dangerous,
The truth is not an option.
This is the illusion I pulled down over your eyes.

11.01.2008

On Papa Roach who are awesome

I am c/ping this. But it all achieves the same thing. Also editing links in a moment. Prepared are you? Halloween sucked ass, thanks for asking.

The opening bands sucked. I mean, I didn't like them. It was The Waking Eyes, from Winnipeg, Default who were full of hits that all sounded alike, Mobile which are actually tolerable, and the boring Watchmen, also from Winnipeg.PAPA ROACH WAS EPIC. There are no other words to describe it. They opened with Between Angels and Insects, and it was amazing. I don't remember the rest of the setlist for sure, but in no particular order, it was:
BAAI
She Loves Me Not
Hollywood Whore
Lifeline
Forever
Getting Away With Murder
Scars
Broken Home
Dead Cell
Reckless
To Be Loved
Time is Running Out
Last Resort

Okay so...Time is Running Out brought Jacoby into the crowd. He walked through the arena, unfortunately heading back to the stage right at the end of the section away from me. Did that make sense at all? Anyways, I love Papa Roach sing-alongs. The "Wooah WOAH. Woah WOAH. Yeah. Yeah." Was fun. She Loves Me Not was great amounts of headbanging fun and tons of energy from the band.

Hollywood Whore is the most amazing live song I have ever seen by any band I swear to god. It kicks such complete ASS. So good. Jacoby said the usual, "Who's sick of bitches like Britney Spears and talentless cunts like Paris Hilton?" as intro. But then he continued on right after Paris Hilton with, "I want to take that fucking silver spoon she was born with in her mouth and gouge her fucking eyes out." And the entire arena ERUPTED into cheers. Awesome.Lifeline was good. Those lyrics I used as the title are from that song. I have loved that line ever since the song was still called Hangin' On. No one knew it, of course, because I AM DIEHARD FAN who watches shitty live performances of new songs. I love that line for reasons I could specify, but it's not the place right now. Anyways, it's got a great groove and energy. It will probably become a single one day.Forever was great, Jacoby asked us to light our lighters, or our cellphones, or that joint we smuggled in in our pockets. :p.

GAWM is always going to be one of my favourite PRoach songs. Jacoby's performance on this song live was simple astounding, and it was incredibly amazing to see almost the entire arena screaming out "GETTING AWAY WITH MURDER!" during the chorus.

Reckless was introduced as being for the partiers and the people who do drugs and drink too much. Jacoby said he doesn't often hate himself, but he wrote that song when he did. Or something like that. I was honestly quite surprised they played that song, because I was expecting mostly singles, due to the fact that they have enough singles for a full setlist. Dead Cell was also a surprise for this reason.A pleasant one. I went completely insane on that one. And Broken Home, too. Broken Home was...just...incredible. Fucking heartfelt.

Scars bored me, but it always has. It was a lot of awesome venting, though, to scream as loud as I possibly could, "GO FIX YOURSELF." God, it felt good. lmao.

Then came Last Resort. The last song :(. It was great, though I think Jerry may have screwed up at the beginning, playing too fast, but I could be mistaken as I was going so nuts headbanging. Then Jacoby got us started on the "Papa Roach! Papa Roach!" chant, which, again, was amazing to see the entire arena screaming it. They took a bow. They left. I was euphoric. Amazing concert. This dude to Janice's right was all like, "You guys totally rocked out." Or something. we were all going nuts. I loved that we had such a good section. I headbanged more at Papa Roach than I did at Nightwish, and I was in the fucking stands at PR.

So definitely my second top concert. It didn't beat out Nightwish in May, but mainly because so much AWESOMENESS happened at that concert that it's not going to be topped for a very long time. Performance-wise, they were probably about equal. Jacoby is the fucking best frontman ever.

Didn't get to meet them/get my pic taken with them, which I think would have made my life, to have met my two very favourite bands twice in less than a year and to have gotten pics with both. But it's alright. The concert was so great. I left with the same feeling a left NW in May with, that feeling of completeness and such content you feel like nothing can bring you down. Not the desperation and depression I faced after Nightwish in Seattle.

These are the only two bands that I've ever felt this strongly about.
Currently Listening: Song to Say Goodbye by Placebo

Before our innocence was lost,
You were always one of those
Blessed with lucky sevens
And a voice that made me cry.
My oh my.

10.31.2008

Papa Roach makes my life.

PAPA ROACH WAS AMAZING.

MY SECOND BEST CONCERT.

More on this tomorrow. I have to sleep.

Currently Listening: Life is a Bullet by Papa Roach

Single me out,
Tear off my front,
Make me expose what I conceal.

10.30.2008

:O

The chapter is really short. I'm sorry :(. I just write to the end of the thought. I hope the next chapter is longer. I hate that it's so short. Oh well. Hope it's good enough anyway, despite length. Quality over quantity? I don't evne know if the quality's that great. :/

PAPA ROACH!!!! :D :D

Currently Listening: Have a Drink On Me by PAIN

The older you are, the wiser you get.
Just listen to me.
When life gets tough, and you know it will,
Then have a drink on me.

10.29.2008

You're a number one hit.

HELLOOOOOOO out there.

I has EPIC news.

PAPA ROACH RELEASED A NEW SINGLE! :D

Well, not officially, yet. But the video's up, and it's pretty awesome. Exploding heads FTW XD. Well I guess it's not so much exploding as dissolving and then having flesh and blood chunks spewed everywhere :p.
check it out. Hollywood Whore. That guitar riff is awesome. Jerry never disappoints. Lyrics are pretty awesome. They're so outspoken, you would almost think they were from Infest, but PRoach still keeps up with their evolution and maintains the rock sound from Paramour Sessions. No going back to nu-metal for them. :D

I wouldn't be shocked if this got them some publicity. Since it was written about "cunts like Britney Spears and sluts like Paris Hilton" after all. :p

Papa Roach, I love you.

I'M GOING TO SEE THEM IN TWO DAYS! Yay! Did I even mention that here?! o.O. Probably somewhere.

In OTHER news, I downloaded Pain's new album and IT IS FUCKING AWESOME. BUY IT. I am buying it whenever it gets released here. It's fantastic. Peter is awesome. Anette's guest appearances are awesome. It's all AWESOME.

I have not even started or thought about the next fanfic chapter lol. But no worries! I'm coming home at lunch tomorrow and i'll crack down and get to business. May even post it then if it's done. And if not then it waits until after work. Because I get off work at 10. I have to work on Halloween too :(.

You know, I'm increasingly getting this feeling that I'm completely excluded from my friends now. Not necessarily because of my job, not necessarily because I moved. I don't know, it's just this weird feeling I'm getting that I don't belong anymore, that I'm not overly welcome. I'm probably looking too much into it but it's bothering me. A lot more than it probably should. It doesn't help that there are other things bothering me too, and far too many things making me overly happy, things that maybe shouldn't. I'm a raging pile of hormones. WATCH OUT I JUST MIGHT STAB YOU IN YOUR SLEEP. Because I'm crazy doncha know. Really though, it's bugging me a lot. I don't really have anywhere anymore.

House is progressively awesome. I LOVE Olivia Wilde. She's an AMAZING actress. Seriously, splendid. I don't know the last time I saw an actress THAT good. Jesus eff. I look forward to episodes revolving around Thirteen because Olivia is one of the best actors on the show (Hugh Laurie aside, of course :p), imo. I find it so incredibly awesome to watch how convincing she can make it look. Why do so many people hate Thirteen? I don't get it. D: She's too awesome to be hated!

Projects on the go right now:
Sixx:A.M. Accidents Can Happen video icons (14/50 done)
Jacoby Shaddix icons (52/100 done)
Nightwish icons (0/100 done)
Papa Roach Hollywood Whore animated icons
House 5x05 icons (animated & not)
R'Shiel drawing
Anette video
NW fanfic
Letters (!!!)

That's about it for now lolz.

I have learned a few new songs on guitar as well. I learned Alive, No More Secrets and Reckless by Papa Roach, plus Lass Mich Raus by Oomph! and the Sleeping Sun, OTHAFA and Walking in the Air solos by Nightwish. And Cadence of her Last Breath by Nightwish. I'm trying to learn Master Passion Greed as well as the Cadence solo right now. I want to pick up I Devise My Own Demise by Papa Roach if I can find a decent tab for it.

I ordered the Once-songbook. So I'm going to be learning that album very soon. ^.^

I can't remember everything I've written in here in the past while o.O.

Movie rec for you: Alpha Dog. Yeah it's about gangsters, so I assumed I wouldn't like it, but it was quite surprisingly good. I think I just might have to buy it...when I can find my goddamn debit card anyways.

Currently Listening: Hollywood Whore by Papa Roach

Awake by noon, drunk by four.
Sucked up into show biz.
You're so lame, you're such a bore,
I wanna kick your teeth in.

10.23.2008

I'M SORRY THE FANFIC UPDATE SUCKS SO MUCH! D:

The next chapter SHOULD be better, and the one after that better...er.

It's short too, I know. NYGAHHH.

10.20.2008

Anette's voice is seriously awesome. Like we didn't know that anyway.

Guess what? The gym substitute we had today was hot. He looked like Raine Maida. I kid you not. I didn't even mind that he was chewing gum, that's how good-looking he was. It would be great if he replaced either of the gym teachers. It would give me incentive to go to class each day.

Of course, that didn't change the fact that gym sucked. Basketball and the weight room, on which I stayed on the bike thing, but I had the broken one so the seat was HURTING like HORRIBLE. I was very uncomfortable.

Now, links links links.
First and foremost, some very nice hotness of the girl-on-girl variety, which generally I don't get all "OMFG" over except srsly. Just. Seriously. Watch and see. It's only 42 seconds and not hardcore in any way, if you happen to be worried about that :p.
AND
Pain feat. Anette - Feed Us
Pain feat. Anette - Follow Me

(Follow Me is incredibly awesome.)

I bought Sonic Syndicate's newest album, "Love and Other Disasters" yesterday. I'm enjoying it quite a lot!

AND you'll PROBABLY be getting fanfic updates regularly now, unless I have a good reason (so not that I forgot, lol), due to the fact that someone I talk to regularly is now reading it and claims she'll pressure me to update every week. So there.

Currently Listening: Jack of Diamonds by Sonic Syndicate

My destiny outruns me
And I can't find that key
To lock up everything that's bad
Inside of me.

10.15.2008

Forgetful bitch that I am ^.^

OH HAHAHAHA. I forgot to write another update for the fanfic. Well. I doubt anyone's waiting with bated breath for it CONSIDERING HOW HORRIBLE I MADE IT BE LATELY. GAWD. *disgusted with self*

Trying to fix it, also I'll try to have one done tomorrow night. I've been PREOCCUPIED making icons like a motherfucker.

Currently Listening: One More Pill by Stabilo

Said you like the taste,
Yeah the taste of my tongue.
Please forget this face of mine
And I'll forget this space in time.

10.11.2008

On writing fanfic about real people.

I was thinking today. You'll find this is something I do from time to time. I was thinking about this Nightwish fanfic I have going. I know it's not the worst out there (I have read some that were like O.O), but I was thinking of what the band themselves would think if they read it (and seriously, god forbid they ever do). I don't think they'd be pissed, so much as horrified that someone's imagination could come up with something like that. Especially Anette. The thing is that, of course I know they're real people, I've met them, spoken to them, had pictures taken with them, but I'm so incredibly far removed from them that they COULD be fiction if I didn't know any better. I wouldn't write a fanfic about, quick example, Anthony's band Jack Straight, even if they ever got famous or whatever. Because I KNOW him, he's a real person in my life through more than lyrics and instruments. Well not like that, he's really just an aquaintance, which is still more than can be said of NW. I guess the reason it's so easy to write fanfic about real people like that who are actors or musicians is that they're so far removed from you, even if they do read it, it's not like a) they'll ever know it was you personally (instead of just whatever internet name you happen to be using), b) they'll be able to confront you or c) you'll have to face their reactions. They might as well be fake for how much I interact with them.

Just saying. I hope that makes sense. Fueled by discussion on the NW.com boards, naturally.

I never really thought before about how I was able to write fanfic about real people. I understand why some people can't fathom it, in fact, I was such a one once. But it's the same as normal fanfic over fictional characters. You write fanfic about PotC, you're still picturing Johnny Depp as Jack and Keira Knightley as Elisabeth. You're writing about this act they're putting on. But you'd be weirded out to write about them as people? Why? You don't know what they're really like and most of what you see is probably just an act anyway, like any other part in any other movie they might have. Same for Nightwish. We gather that Anette is just a happy person who likes to smile, but I'm willing to bet she's NOT like that all the time. Even the happiest person I know doesn't walk around smiling like that, etc. I'm betting a lot of that is an act, since she's not likely to outwardly show when she's pissed right the fuck off. She can't, that's how she alienates fans or potential fans.

And at the same time, I have zero basis in fact, for either thing. One gathers what one can of a person's character from interviews, the same way as another fanfic author would gather an idea of a character from a movie from...the movie. You disconnect yourself from them, and you don't think about what they'd think of it, you pretend they aren't real, and that's how you can write about them as though they AREN'T real.

I CAN'T EXPLAIN THIS. Know, though, that Jessica wrote me (name and all) into one of her stories as someone who gets raped by their father, and other than being mildly weirded out, I didn't really care. It's not real, and all she's really using is my name.

But in a way, I find it almost weirder to write about cartoon characters O.o. I can't explain that probably, but it's trying to add depth to a two-dimensional (for the most part) drawing.

I totally get not want to write about real person sex scenes though. I find those incredibly awkward to read, maybe just because I can't imagine those people I idolize doing that :p. Particularly when it gets kinky hardcore porn writing. Logically, of course, I am aware of the fact that they're all having sex, D-UH OBVIOUSLY THEY ARE, but I don't want to read about it no matter how fake it is, just the same as I'd probably rather die than watch a pornographic movie starring whoever it is.

I'LL SHUT UP NOW.

I hope that was coherent enough. And even if it wasn't, I'm sure no one really cares.

Currently Listening: Replica by Sonata Arctica

Nothing's what it seems to be,
I'm a replica, I'm a replica.
Empty shell inside of me,
I'm not myself, I'm a replica of me.

10.08.2008

On time this time!

I give you a new Nightwish fanfic update and again apologize for how short it is, and also if it's crappy. Next chapter should be longer...the reactions almost always are.

Anyways, there you go, enjoy. I have to work tonight :(. Not fun.

10.06.2008

bury this hate.

I went to see the movie "Religulous" today. Pretty good. Anti-religion is always right up my alley.
But this best part was as we were walking out of the theatre, I heard these two guys behind me. And one said, "Look, there's a girl in a Nightwish hoodie!" repeated a couple times because the other guy didn't hear him, and then the other guy said, "Oh yeah, Amaranth!" I considered turning around and giving them a big smile, but of course I didn't because my shyness was quite the inhibition. It's great to know that there's NW fans in this great big city. Of course I knew there were, with a sold out show plus those two guys I saw in Nightwish shirts. It's just still happy-making.

So I'm writing an essay right now. I'm kinda at a loss for words atm and it sucks. But I'll write 'til I have a page and a half and then leave and go draw because I want to DRAW goddammit!

I've listened to some shit quality recording of Papa Roach's soon-to-be new single, Hollywood Whore. I'm telling you, it's fucking fantastic. I'm so stoked for that cocnert.

I've decided the next song I'm learning on guitar is Alive by Papa Roach. It will be fun.

Currently Listneing: Bring Back the Sun by Our Lady Peace

We shouldn't have to fight
Or worry about the bills tonight.
I wanted you to know
I want to be your shadow.

10.04.2008

SUCCESS!

HA! I POSTED IT WOO! And it's over 1500 words too!
Things are getting kinda back on track.

Anyways, enjoy that latest fanfic installment and I will see you again (there, anyway) on Wednesday provided there are no horrible pitfalls in my life again :p.

Currently Listening: Budget Meeting by Hans Zimmer

[Instrumental]

10.02.2008

meh.

FUCK MAN.

Fanfic'll be tomorrow night. Not at lunch. Because I'm not coming home at lunch tomorrow. I say "it'll be one schedule" all happy and assuming that things aren't going to go wrong and then things go wrong and it's not on schedule and I feel bad for saying it will be and then it winds up not being.

God this week is the worst week ever I swear to god. I want it to end. Make it end. I'm tired of it and I want it to go away. I am MISERABLE and hurting (physically) and ill and I keep getting shitty headaches. And I'm grumpy and sad because I keep thinking about the things that make me sad and things are losing meaning, except Papa Roach which has apparently GAINED meaning and I've listened to them for hours now. I wonder what this could mean. Because their music never meant this much to me even when I was a huge fan. Weird stuff is going on with me, man.

I played guitar today and felt a bit better, and then squeed over Anette with someone for a bit and that made me happy too, and now I'm just tired and grumpy and bitchy and wanting to give up. lol. Oh well. Maybe by some odd stroke of luck tomorrow will be better. I harbour doubts that it will be, but I suppose one never knows.

Failure of epic proportions.

Currently Listening: Never Enough by Papa Roach

Now something's wrong with me,
I'm bleeding profusely.
And this seems natural to me,
I fuck up every day.
Somebody put me in my place.

10.01.2008

Lateness and lost meaning. That's never good.

Hey. Next chapter might be up a bit late (tonight/tomorrow at lunch) because I haven't written anything as I've been feeling terrible these past days. The only thing that can cheer me up honestly and truly is Twilight sporking and parodies. Which have me doubled over in laughter. Always. They are awesome and I am tired of Twilight.

Anyways, lateness is ick.

Also, Nightwish is...losing meaning for me. This is bad. :(
I have been listening to DPP on repeat since last night, trying to rekindle my love for them. There are a couple songs that are just WOAH that never were before, but for the most part, I don't feel anything when I listen to it now. This is shit. This had better be a phase.

Currently Listening: Escapist by Nightwish

The nightingale in a golden cage,
That's me locked inside reality's maze.
Come someone, make my heavy heart light,
Come undone, bring me back to life.

9.27.2008

uuuuuuuuuuuugh

Yeah so. CROO CROO Anette's okay. Or going to be. I am optimistic on that point. Apparently she never went to the hospital, and that is good ^.^. I know it's incredibly selfish, but I'm so relieved that this stuff didn't happen until after I'd seen them in Seattle. I would have been completely, I mean COMPLETELY crushed. After saving for an entire month at my minimum wage job and borrowing $400 on top of that to go see them, if that had been cancelled, I don't know what I would have done. I know that there are a lot of people who were crushed about this, but it seems to me that the furthest people planned to go for these concerts was a couple hours' drive. Which is a LOT cheaper than a plane ticket + ferry tickets + hotel. But I do feel for everyone who missed the shows, and I sincerely hope that they get made up in the future.

I need caffeine. I can't believe I'm tired at 12:30 in the morning. Jeeeeezus.

Worked today, it was interesting. Did new things. Was confused a lot. I hate learning new things because I never know if I'm doing them right and I get all nervous and worried :p.

I mean, seriously. Please, chocolate covered coffeee beans or Red Bull or SOMETHING. This is retarded.

Working on the video, but I'm having some difficulties. Actually editing has not yet begun. Video formats and file types have been causing problems and these must be solved before I may begin.

Opeth is on Monday. Exciting stuff.

For the record, fanfic updates will continue on schedule, every Wednesday provided the powers that be aren't conspiring against me again. I'll get around to updating the about page with that...sometime.

Currently Listening: I Hate Everything About You by Three Days Grace

Every time we lie awake,
After every hit we take,
All the feelings that I get,
But I haven't missed you yet.

9.23.2008

HAPPY FACE TIME.

GUESS WHAT BISHNU?!

You get an early update because the powers that be are conspiring against me for tomorrow. Since we have CET, I'll not be able to come home for lunch, so I won't be able to post it then, and I'm working from 5 'til 10 tomorrow night, so that means I'm not coming home from school and likely won't be home before 11. So anyways, yay! Update! Yay! Tarja! Yay! Everyone go yay! It's short, again, though. I think this is an upcoming trend, chapters that are about 200-300 words shorter than previous ones. Get used to it. :)

I am making ANOTHER video. This one is just a tribute to Anette though, not the whole band ^.^. In my quest for videoclips, I have had the pleasure of re-watching some old interviews and OMG ANETTE IS FRICKIN ADORABLE!

Although I think that's a bit weird coming from someone 20 years younger than her, and a bit weird directed at someone who's the same age as my mom O.o. I think perhaps I should keep these outbursts to myself from now on...

I am very sad that she is so sick she is in the hospital right now though. :(
I feel so bad for the people who are going to miss the canceled shows, of course, but so much worse for her. I hope she doesn't feel guilty, and I hope she feels better soon. She's been sick every time they've come to North America, and if it's anything like what I had when I got back from Europe, it must be so horrible. *hugs her*. Please get better soon, Nettan dear, even though you're never going to read this.

Currently Listening: Never Too Late by Three Days Grace

No one will ever see
The side reflected.
And if there's something wrong,
Who would have guessed it?

9.19.2008

heeHEE your mad writer friend is back!

I've been writing like an insane person tonight. I blame this on those who post to the NW fics comm thingy on LJ. I HAVE FOUND INSPIRATION BECAUSE OF YOU AND I THANK YOU.

So, teasers of what's to come: We get an update on Tarja, Nightwish starts a new tour, something bad happens to Anette (again), but it's not something bad in the same way the other bad things have been, so don't worry about that. Other stuff happens, there's internal struggle, revelations and understanding as to why Anette's character was crafted as such and why she dealt with her situation as she did, eventual resolution and the end! We're 4/5 of the way done, you guys! 9 chapters to go. Nine weeks of updates and then it will be over. And so shall end my longest writing commitment EVAR.

This last batch of research I did for the fic was insanely depressing. Like woah. And also one part almost made me sick.

Anyways, look for your local update next Wednesday before 11 pm Central!

Do you like PostSecret, btw? Well, if so, you should also check out FOUND Magazine. I find these kinds of things to be insanely interesting.

Currently Listening: Revenge by Papa Roach

It's all right.
We're in love.
Can't live with,
Or without.

9.15.2008

I really despise math.

So I was gonna write some more fanfic tonight. I thought, "Writing would do me some good, methinks." But I got this hugeass pile of math work to catch up on that I missed during my Seattle/Victoria trip. IT IS SUPER UNPLEASANT.

So anyways. I didn't write any :p. I'm waiting for some ideas to stir as to where we're gonna go from here and stuff. I did write a summary, as I told you, but I decided I wanted to change the ending. I'm trying to decide how. Don't worry, it will be a happy ending no matter what.

In other news, PAPA ROACH IS COMING BACK TO WINNIPEG! Which is spaztically exciting. Though the album's release date has been pushed back AGAIN 'til March 2009. It's cry making.

Currently Listening: Time is Running Out by Papa Roach

So when I'm out of control,
And I'm out of my mind,
Just remember one thing:
I tihnk I'm just fine.
So catch me when I fall.
I won't remember anything at all.
So catch me when I fall.

9.13.2008

100 Posts! Woo!

But I don't have that prezzie surprise of lameness I promised a while back. I fail.

Seattle was fun and what follows is what I wrote on LJ. I have been neglecting this blog lately, and for that I apologize. And after the bit about Opeth at the end, it's special stuff for those who read this blog's eyes only. And that sentence seems really fucked up grammatically.

My dad and I got to Seattle at like 2, went to the hotel and then decided to find the venue and stop somewhere to eat if we passed anywhere appetizing. So we walked and walked and came across a Showbox venue! But it wasn't the one we wanted. There we passed a guy in a Nightwish shirt, who I would get to know later.

So we walked and walked some more, stopping in this GIANT bookstore along the way, and then we walked some more, leaving downtown into an industrial-type, gritty area. And we passed the Showbox SoDo, identifiable only by the three big ol' buses outside. And this tiny little sign. But it was closed, so we kept walking and stopped at Starbucks. We headed back at like quarter after four and there were two guys there. Picked up the ticket and headed to the other entrance, where the under 21 year olds had to wait. There was a tear in the paper, so we watched Nightwish a bit as they did soundcheck. Had hoped they might come say hey, but they didn't.

We waited for four hours before doors were open. This goth guy came over to our little group and hung out with us (the guy I saw by the other Showbox earlier). He was from Vancouver. All the people I was talking to were really cool. Then the staff said everyone who was 21 and up could go into the bar, so Jeremy and Vancouver guy went to the bar, leaving me and the other guy in the line with like 200 people behind us. 8:30 rolls around and they open the doors, but security's sloppy and are getting told what to do as we watch everyone who was in the bar take the first two rows. So unfair that people who got there 15 minutes before the doors opened got into those rows when myself and my newfound friend had been waiting for four hours and weren't. But whatever.

We finally got in and ran to the front, got into what could be called the third row. Waited forever. Then Sonata Arctica came onstage. They were pretty good, never heard anything by them before, but unfortunately about halfway through, the volume on Tony's mic cut down significantly and it was pretty much impossible to hear him singing. They were awesome onstage though.

Waited another forty minutes and finally Nightwish came on. Pretty cool, I think it was during Whoever Brings the Night, Emppu stuck his tongue out at me, so I stuck my tongue out back at him and he laughed. That was the only time I was really acknowledged by any of them. But he was very fond of this one girl in the front row, he kept pointing to her and telling her to headbang more, even though she was already headbanging like crazy. And everytime someone crowdsurfed, he we make these funny faces that were all pretend-shocked. And during Dead to the World, Anette wrapped her arm around him for the "Heartfelt, lovelorn" line, and he did his usual shocked face, but then he reached up and pretended to grab her boob, which was all the funnier because Anette was completely oblivious.

What else, what else.

Well, TPATP. When it got to the "The Pacific" part of the song, there was so much bass going, I started to feel sick, probably because I was overheating, dehydrated and hadn't eaten anything but a peanut butter cookie. I remember thinking, "I'm going to barf." Then Anette left the stage and they started the pre-amble to "Dark Passion Play" and my vision started going dark and I thought, "Oh god, I'm going to pass out." Next thing I know, it's like I'm waking up from this deep sleep and there's a whole bunch of people helping me up and looking worried. I thought it was a dream until I remembered I was at a concert. There were at least ten people in the front rows shouting for security to help and they cleared a way for me to the front and lifted me over the barrier and sent me off to the side. I think Emppu may have seen this as it was happening, as well. How embarassing :S. So I sat down for a few minutes and then wandered over to get a bottle of water, but didn't have American money on me, so I asked if she'd take Canadian money and she told me just to take the water for free. Then I bought a shirt (they didn't take debit, I had to withdraw money from the ATM). And Nightwish started playing Sacrament of Wilderness, which I so desperately wanted to see live and rock out to, but unfortunately I spent most of the song pushing my way through the crowd until I was approximately where I was before. I caught the last chorus at least. The rest of the concert was a blur. I wasn't going as crazy as before because I didn't want to faint again. They didn't come down to shake hands after the show, but Tuomas stripped off his sweaty shirt and chucked it into the crowd (this will be relavant in just a moment). They did their final bow and we left on shaky legs. Myself and the guy I was hanging out with in line went to the back of the venue by the buses, where security had set up a barrier. There were forty of us there.

Just a few minutes passed and Emppu, Jukka and Marco headed out the door! They all stayed to sign autographs, and I kept asking them to please sign my ticket, but they didn't hear me and went into their van. Marco promised they'd come back after they went to the hotel for showers. So the van drove off and Tuomas came out maybe five minutes later with his arms full. He went to the bus and dropped the stuff off and came back out. He was so nice. He spent fifteen minutes signing autographs for everyone and taking pictures with us, answering someone who was grilling him as though it were a for realz interview. The guy who caught his shirt was like, "Tuomas, will you sign your sweaty shirt?" and Tuomas said, "What are you going to do with a sweaty shirt?" and sounded a little creeped out. The guy with the shirt's like, "Put it on my wall." O.o. But Tuomas signed it and continued down the line. He was so cute when I was taking our picture. He's like, "Okay, let's see if this will work." and I said, "Let's hope so!" I was having difficulty pressing the button. After the pic was taken, we looked at it and he said, "It's not SO bad." I replied, "Yeah, half my face is cut off and I look insane!" He just laughed and kept on going, taking pics and giving hugs (by the end, he looked annoyed with the hug-giving. I didn't ask for one though, because I can only imagine how weird that would be for him). He hung out for a bit at the other side and then headed back to the bus.

We waited some more and saw the van pulling up on the other side of the buses. The guys disappeared into the bus and Sonata Arctica came out of their bus and hung out by the door. I was gonna go over there and get a pic with them, but since I was right at the front of the barrier, I didn't want to lose my spot. And I also thought, "What if Anette comes out while I'm over there? Or the guys come back?" So I didn't. After SA had gone back into their bus, Marco came back with a cigarette and a beer and took time to sign autographs for everyone. Afterwards, he's like, "There I think I've done everyone." there was a pause and someone in the crowd said, "Dirty!" right as Marco made this funny face and said, "Wait, that sounds...funny." 'Twas amusing. He took a pic with the guy from Vancouver and then I asked him for one and he gives this look to this other guy in the back who had asked for a pic, and the other guy says, "It must be your good looks!" and I said, "Yeah, you're so handsome!" Marco laughed and one of the people I met in line took our pic. He went through everyone and then came back over to us and talked to us for like 10 minutes. I asked him if he knew Papa Roach, he said yes, I was like, "Cool!". Further conversation, someone was talking to him about his equipment and favourite songs to play, etc. I asked him how he liked the cross-Canada tour they did and he said it was fun. The venues were tiny, but he likes playing in clubs, apparently. I told him it was great seeing them at the Garrick and he got all awkward. He got awkward whenever someone complimented him or Nightwish; I guess it was that kinda thing where you just don't know what to say to a compliment. We talked about his "bass player juice" in his cup, and he said jokingly that he didn't know whether or not it was the beer that made him a good bass player since he started drinking it when he started playing :p. He was really cool.

After Marco left, we waited FOREVER. We just wanted to see Anette. Finally an NW crew member, I presume, went to their bus and came back to tell us that she wasn't coming out. Which was profoundly dissapointing since she was the one I wanted to meet the most. The Vancouver guy got pissed, and I was too, at the moment. It was like, "What, she can't spare ten minutes of her precious time just to say hey to 20 people? Does she think she's better than us?", but I know that wasn't it. It was just a brief thought that flashed through my mind. She was sick, you could hear it when she was talking to us during the concert, so I guess she just wasn't feeling great. Doesn't change that it was disappointing.

Through all this hour and a half past when the concert ended, my dad was waiting patiently on the other side of the parking lot. And as we were walking away, I told him that I didn't meet Anette, who I wanted to meet most. And then he tells me he said hi to her before the show and didn't even know who she was. GAH. But whatever. I'll try to catch her again in three or four years when they're back in North America.

Also, I totally didn't like what she wore onstage. It was way to lingerie-esque for my tastes. And I've decided that I really don't like her blonde hair. The black looked SO good, and the red was really cool too. But the blonde is just...not a colour I'm fond of, I guess. It reminds me of "the plastics", you know? Or popstars or something. Which is a retarded connection my brain randomly makes, though I know I'm never going to be fond of that hair colour on her, even though she's naturally blonde. But it'll be different in a few months probably anyway.And the day after, I was so down, and I don't know why. I think I was partly disappointed because I hoped seeing them in Seattle would be better than when I saw them here because I spent SO much more, but it wound up not being as great. And I was still disappointed by not meeting Anette, and pissed that I hadn't been in the front row even though I should have been. There's a bar at the Garrick, but 18 year olds wait in the same line and are allowed in at the same time as everyone else and if they want alcohol, then they can bloody well give up their spot in the front row. I thought it was so stupid that they let 21 year olds in before everyone else. I was also really disappointed that I fainted and so missed half of TPATP and most of Sacrament.

I don't think it was a waste of money and I don't regret going, by any means, I'm just disappointed that I spent so much only for it to be a good experience rather than a great one. I'm also sad that they aren't going to be back for another three or four years, but hopefully I'll still be this into them by then. Plus now I have nothing to look forward to. There's Opeth at the end of the month, but I barely know them at all, and I'm only going because I told Joe I'd buy him a Nachtmystium shirt and Jeanette really, really wants to go.

What I HATE though is that I can barely remember it. It pisses me off so much. I just remember bits and pieces from the half after I fainted, but some songs are just completely gone. I virtually DON'T remember Sacrament (WHY THAT SONG I HATE YOU SELF) and 7 Days. Or WIHAA. Seriously, it's depressing. I remember almost the entirety of the Winnipeg concert in crystal clear quality in my mind (though Shanel informed me today that I stuck my tongue out at Emppu here too, which I don't remember AT ALL. I think maybe it was outweighed by the whole Emppu winking at me thing). And I'm dying to see them again, so hopefully the next three years will go by fast. The only reason I'm dying to see them again, though, this time, is because I just want to REMEMBER it, and I want to be in the first fucking row so that Emppu will notice me more, heh. After the winnipeg concert, I was floating on happiness for at least a month after, after my initial post-concert depression. And this time, I just feel kinda empty. I'm better than the day after though. God, I was so weepy that day, haha. But whatever. Hopefully PRoach will bring themselves over to the northern States on their tour with Staind so I can go see them in MN or ND.

More to say, but since this post is an epic length already, I'll shut up.
EDIT: OH AND WHAT THE FUCK. I was reading someone's concert thingy about Cleveland and WHY WAS THERE SO MUCH MORE MERCH THERE?! NOT FAIR! All that was at Seattle were three Nightwish shirts, I swear to god! I didn't bother looking at the SA side, but WTF?! That made me sad. There was CDs and a shitload of shirts apparently and wtf man, it's so not fair. NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR.

And also, I forgot to mention that I got the NW Tourbook from Europe in the mail while I was gone. The pictures in there are just love. They make me so happy. It was good to see when I got back since I was still disappointed about the concert (I still am in fact). I couldn't stop smiling while I looked at those pics though.

Currently Listening: 4 A.M. by Our Lady Peace

And if I don't make it known that
I loved you all along...
Just like sunny days that we ignore because
We're all dumb and jaded.
And I hope to god I figure out what's wrong.

9.05.2008

Enjoy enjoy enjoy.

OH HAI GUESS WHAT?

NEW FANFIC UPDATE! ^.^

In case you don't know, "joie de vivre" means "joy in living". But it sounds better in French. Haha.

I am working tomorrow and leaving Sunday morning at 6:30. I may post from BC Sunday, Monday, or Wednesday night, but we'll see. Wednesday's most likely, with a concert report XD.

Anyways, enjoy the update. I hit a block where I was at, so it's short, but it's a start. Dunno when the next will be, I have to get back on schedule and shit.

OMG I'M GOING TO SEE NIGHTWISH AGAIN! SQUEE!

And yet...lately I'm more of a Sixx:A.M. fangirl. I nearly died of happiness heart explosion when I read they were gonna make another album. Oh, James <3.

Currently Listening: Life is Beautiful (acoustic) by Sixx:A.M.

You can't breathe until you choke,
You gotta laugh when you're the joke.
There's nothing like a funeral to make you feel
Alive.

9.04.2008

Sick as a dog, but this handful of painkillers and a lot of whiskey's gonna get me through

Okay maybe not. I am sick though. I just had to quote Girl With Golden Eyes by Sixx:A.M.

Yesterday was the first day of school, interesting and sucky. Today was the first REAL day of school which I didn't go to because I was sick. Very sick. I don't know what's wrong with me. But anyways.

I'M GOING TO SEE NIGHTWISH! :D

In Seattle! For real! The hope was shot down, then came Montreal, that was shot down, then Seattle again and it's actually happening. I'm going to be gone from Sunday until Thursday, so you won't be hearing from me in that time.

I'm going to get off my ass with the fanfic. But I have another project right now that actually has a deadline, so we'll see.

And if you've been wondering where I've been lately, I've been posting more to LJ recently.

I got my wisdom teeth out last Friday, which was unpleasant to say the least. But it had to be done, I suppose.

Mmm, and while I'm here, go check out my new Nightwish video. ;)
Comment and rate plz? Or not. Whatever floats your boat.

Currently Listening: Thrown Away by Papa Roach

Don't wanna talk to the counsellor, doctor,
Tell 'em what's real, to tell 'em what's proper.
Situation's unclear like grey,
And I know it gets worse every day.

8.28.2008

But I'll be smiling when I die...

Montreal...isn't happening.

And my entire aim lately is not to think about it. Because if I think about it, I'll be reminded of how disappointed I am, not only in the fact that it didn't work out, but also in myself for even thinking it could.

It just sucks. I've been saving up for months for absolutely nothing. I paid $50 for a concert ticket that I'm never going to use except to stare at and feel sad.

I haven't felt so much sad, aside from my mini-meltdown directly following the news, as empty. Just this hollowness of disappointment. I should have known better though.

I'm going on a spending spree to make myself feel better before I start saving up for all the other things I desire. At least one of them is my aim to have next summer, the most expensive, but I'll be 18 and I think I'd be willing to take out a loan for something like that. *NOT SAYING WHAT*

If I listen to Nightwish, I get incredibly depressed, though. So I've been listening to Sixx:A.M. like crazy. Methinks they're becoming another therapy band for me when I'm down.

I heard the acoustic version of Life is Beautiful and it is simply put and completely AMAZING song and absolutely beautiful. I had to rip it from the Youtube video because I couldn't find it for download (even paid download) ANYWHERE. And I needed it. I needed it because it's so incredibly touching.

Currently Listening: Courtesy Call by Sixx:A.M.

I can't feel anything, my arms are numb,
And I'm hoping you notice
The light that I left on.

8.25.2008

It's not your whole life.

I LOVE SIXX:A.M.!!

I'm working on a set of 50 icons from their Accidents can Happen video. I've been listening to the song on repeat for the past like two hours :p.

The bands that have affected me most have been, in this order, Nightwish, Papa Roach, and Sixx:A.M. Maybe Sixx:A.M. is ridiculous since it's all about doing heroin and overcoming addiction, but a lot of the songs don't even seem like that. I desperately hope they do another album, because I will die if that's all James' lovely voice winds up being heard on.

Today, I was randomly given $100. It was a shock, since I hadn't even expected $20, but it's just in time since this Montreal thing is shaping up. I've already decided if it doesn't happen, I'm going to completely splurge on Nightwish merch. I have my concert ticket, I got it in the mail a few days ago, so please don't tell me that I wasted $50 :(.

And in other news, the little fanfic is nudging its way into my thoughts again. I don't know when I'll actually sit down and try writing it, but the fact that I'm thinking about it is a good sign.

Go check out Accidents Can Happen, I swear to fucking god, this song is ridiculously beautiful.

Curently Listening: Accidents Can Happen by Sixx:A.M.

Take some time,
Learn to breathe,
And remember what it means
To feel alive,
To believe there's something more
Than what you see.

8.21.2008

Cruefest report!

Mostly C/P-ed from LJ.

We get a call at 3:30 telling us to be at the MTS Centre by Moxie's for 20 after 4, where we would meet someone who would bring us to meet Papa Roach. So she leads us downstairs, we wait around for a bit, then we're let in. There are six of us. We're told we're meeting Buckcherry first, and some pro photographer is gonna take a picture of us with them. We get a picture signed, two of the band members seem really egotistical, one of them seem sreally cool, picture's taken, drummer plays Rock Band with one of the other girls (and fails miserably which is hilarious), then leaves. We're directed outside again, and told that with Papa Roach, we aren't allowed to pose with them for pictures or anything because there isn't enough time. We go in, some girl gets her purse signed by Jacoby and he says he's signed it all from "boobs, to dildos, you name it." :p. Tony's first, he's all easily distracted, we have a minor moment of confusion when he asks where I want him to sign on the CD booklet (eventually we wound up choosing the front). Going down the line, I exchange a few words with Jerry and Tobin, then my Nightwish "conversation" with Jacoby ensues.

Him: *grabs pic to sign, looks at my shirt, looks down to sign, hands me the picture* Nightwish.
Me: Yeah, you know them?
Him: Yeah, with the girl singer, right?
Me: Yeah!
Him: Yeah, we toured with them in Europe!
Me: Are you serious?! That's awesome! (at this point I briefly think of telling him that I saw Nightwish in May, but decided it was lame.) *grabs CD booklet* Thank you so much!
Him (or possibly Jerry): Thank you for supporting the music!
Me: I have been for four years and don't plan to stop. (side note: WHY DID I SAY SOMETHING SO LAME?! >.<)
Jerry (or possibly Tobin): Enjoy the show!
Me: I know we will!

That was it. Better meet & greet than Nightwish's, though I think NW was just having a bad day or something. I'm so happy I got to actually talk to Jacoby though. So we leave and I buy a Papa Roach shirt at the nearby merch stand and we go up to the third floor, where our seats are, and go through security, etc.
First picture of just the band.
Second picture of Jacoby talking to me. I'm not in it though :p. But you can see the corner of the signed pic I'm holding. We're supposed to e-mail the guy from Universal to get our pics with Buckcherry. I'll have to remind Janice of that.I think I'm going to sell the signed pic I got of them on eBay or something, since I really don't care for Buckcherry.

TRAPT
Rating: No rating.
Review: We only caught their last two or three songs, because of the meet and greet. Their last song was their best and only hit "Headstrong". It was enjoyable. I found their other songs boring, there was also pretty much no one in the arena at that point. The people behind us really got into it, though. They must have been TRAPT fans.

Sixx:A.M.
Rating: 7/10
Review: It was great. Their opening track was "X-Mas in Hell", so we had to go through all that waiting for them to get on-stage. Their backdrop was really cool too, btw. It was really fun. DJ Ashba added in some cool guitar solos at random intervals, and Nikki Sixx and James Michael were pretty funny, when James got his guitar, and they were like getting in each others' faces, and then Nikki kicked James, and James kicked Nikki. It was really cute. The downside was that James was recovering from losing his voice, so he didn't do his awesome falsettos, and the one time he went really high in his belting voice, his voice broke and it actually sounded really, really painful and he went and drank a shitload of water afterwards. He got out a video cam during "Tomorrow" and recorded the audience. They'll probably use that in some video or another, since that was what their official video for "Tomorrow" is made of. Anyways, it was great. I heart James.

Papa Roach
Rating: 10/10
Review: Absolutely amazing. No words to describe it. Jacoby went down into the crowd for "Time is Running Out", he walked right around the arena, climbed into the stands and rocked out with a bunch of people there, crossed the floor, went to the other side. When the song was over, he was about to go back to the stage, when he suddenly jumps into the stand and goes up to this woman maybe halfway up. "Hi, what's your name?" he says. "Kelly," she says. "Hello, Kelly. Can you please tell me why you're sitting on your ass at a rock and roll concert?" It was so funny. He didn't give her time to respond, he just walked away, going on about how you shouldn't be sitting at a rock and roll concert. He gets back to stage and they start playing "Forever", there's the pink lights and everything, and Jacoby says, "Man, this song makes me feel like a pimp." The whole arena bursts out laughing. He's fucking hilarious. There were a few other moments of precious Jacobyness, like when he sang the line, "I know it shouldn't, but it's getting me off," in "I Almost Told You That I Loved You" and he did the little jack-off hand motions. Also when he put the microphone into his mouth, seriously, right into his mouth, and screamed into it at the end of "Between Angels and Insects". Jerry was going absolutely nuts too, headbanging like there was no tomorrow. I swear to god he headbanged even more than Emppu did at the Nightwish concert. And he kept running over to the drum riser and jumping off. It was funny and awesome. The entire building completely exploded for "Last Resort" too. And at the end, Jacoby got everyone going on a Papa Roach chant. Fan-fucking-tastic.

Buckcherry
Rating: No rating
Review: No review. Janice and I left for their set, went to Tim Horton's, and bought me some more merchandise.

Motley Crue
Rating: 9/10
Review: AWESOME. I don't even like their music, but it was fucking fantastic. Pyrotechnics (I didn't even think the MTS Centre was set up for that) and fireworks, really loud, really great to see all the energy in the crowd. Downsides being the soft porn playing on the videoscreens during "Same Old Situation", "Sick Love Song", "Dr.Feelgood" and "Girls, Girls, Girls". Plus Tommy Lee's Tit E. Cam. That was awkward. Seriously, I can't believe some of the stuff they showed there. It was an all ages concert at that. I saw quite a few little kids running around in Crue shirts. But then again, they are Motley Crue and that's their thing. Their opening little skit was quite funny. Silhouetted angel, silhouetted devil, then the silhouetted angel gives the silhouetted devil a blow job. Haha. "Saints of Los Angeles" was a personal highlight for me, because I love that song. All the singers from the other bands joined Crue on-stage for the song, and at some points, the audience completely drowned out the band with their singing. Nikki Sixx, whom I was admittedly watching the most, is very cute on-stage. He would stand at the edge of the stage, and you could see that he was looking directly at one particular person, and he would wait until he had a chance to reach down and grab their hand. He kept beating up his mic-stand too :p. And point at people in the stands. During "Motherfucker of the Year", he kept flipping people off too. It was funny. They finished off with a bow, and Tommy going, "Can I get a hell yeah?!" and when we all screamed "Hell yeah!" he's like, "You guys are great Motley Crue bitches." Or something.

I'm totally tripping over the fact that I met my two very favourite bands in the span of four months, and beyond that, that they know each other!! IF I get to see Nightwish in Montreal and IF I get to talk to them (I intend to get there very early, after all), I am definitely going to ask if they know Papa Roach and tell them that Papa Roach knows/remembers them.

My only regret from when I talked to Jacoby, aside from saying something so lame, is that I didn't ask if he'd heard their new album. But oh well. Maybe he'll check it out now that he's been reminded of the band. Oh god, you guys don't understand how happy I was. And how NICE Jacoby is in person. The whole band, they were really nice, all of them talked to us, so welcoming and happy. We had a pretty decent amount of time just to talk to them, I mean, it wasn't leisurely or anything, but it was still enough to say more than "Hi", you know? Then again, there were only sic people they had to meet, not like 20 like Nightwish. *sighs* I want to see both of the bands touring together. So badly.

Currrently Listening: Made of Steel by Our Lady Peace

I can be anything that you want me to be,
A holy cross, some sympathy
That reminds you not to bleed.

8.18.2008

SQUEE!

I MET PAPA ROACH!!!

AND JACOBY AND I TALKED ABOUT NIGHTWISH!!!

More on this tomorrow.

8.17.2008

Concert today!

Soooo...maybe I won't see Nightwish in Montreal after all :(. I bought my concert ticket already though, I'll probably be getting it like tomorrow or Tuesday actually, but fuckface Dollarama gave me ZERO shifts next week and I need another 30 hour week in order to afford the plane ticket. I'm actually touching up my resume right now, and there are two places that are hiring right now where I'm going to drop it off.

Cruefest is today, I'm actually going over to Janice's in a couple of hours where we will listen to PRoach and Sixx:A.M. (even though I've been only listening to PRoach for the past like three days) for a few hours prior to heading out for the cocnert. I wasn't able t get a meet & greet, but apparently these things are sometimes organized the day of. So the guy's got my mom's cell number and is going to call her if it winds up happening, but I don't think it's going to. Oh well. These things happen. *tries not to think about how disappointed she is*.

So you'll have a Cruefest report tomorrow evening. I don't doubt it will rock, it's just our seats suck so much :(. But floor tickets costed $100 and I'm sorry, I don't love Papa Roach enough for that. I loved Nightwish enough to pay $70 for a meet & greet plus early entry to a rush seating venue, I don't love Papa Roach enough to pay $100 to get a spot on the floor way in the back without a meet & greet or anything. I'm not made of money. Well maybe I'll try to track them down before or after the show. I doubt I'll have any luck with that, but you never know.

Currently Listeining: Be Free by Papa Roach

Now I'm full of guilt and shame.
I can't point a finger 'cause there's no one to blame.
So I say I'll never do it again,
But when the sun goes down, you are my only friend.

8.15.2008

I do very much like Oomph!

Go see my LJ. I posted some icons there. Primarily Nightwish.

I'm going to Montreal to see them. Seattle's off the list now, since Dollarama cut back everyone's hours. It's about $600 cheaper to go to Montreal. The funny thing is that the day I did the math and realized I wouldn't be able to afford Seattle was the day my mom was going to order the tickets online, in fact she'd planned to only a couple hours after I told her not to. So she didn't.

Oomph! put all their songs from their new album on their Myspace. I highly recommend checking it out ;). It's very awesome. I love their new single Labyrinth, and their video for it is beyond awesome. Dark twisted versions of Alice in Wonderland for the win!

Learning how to play Life is Beautiful on guitar. The notes are easy, it's just very fast.

Cruefest is on Sunday. Pretty pumped.

Currently Listening: Labyrinth by Oomph!

Klopf, klopf, lass me rein.
Lass mich dein Geheimnis sein.
Links, recht, geradeaus,
Du bist im Labyrinth.
[Knock, knock, let me in.
Let me be your secret.
Left, right, straight ahead,
You're in the labyrinth.]

8.12.2008

I owe you an explanation.

Basically, the reason the fanfic's on hiatus is something I don't really want to talk about. It isn't anything SUPER MAJOR OMG MY FAMILY IS FALLING APART AND I'M TURNING EMO, just something that happened that isn't allowing me to feel so great, nor creative. I've been in worse places than I am right now, but where I am puts me in a bad mood, which is not the mood to write and get even angrier and more disappointed with myself. To absolutely anyone reading this: I am not going to tell you what happened, so don't bother asking. It isn't important, what's important is where it put me.

So I guess that's the semblance of an explanation any of you fanfic readers are going to get. I do feel bad for this, because I know I get disappointed when the authors of any fanfics I'm reading decide to take a break or just give up on the story, and I don't like making people disappointed, but at the same time, it's kind of a relief for me. It was getting harder and harder for me to write it and I had the constant nagging feeling that the quality was suffering significantly, and I still think it does. I can't get the words out of me properly anymore, even though I have the thought and I know what I want to say. It was really getting to be disappointing for me, that I just cannot write as good as I would like to, and in that sense, it felt like I was kind of letting everyone reading it and myself down.

Maybe after this break, the quality will go up and life will be going better for me. I hope so at least. I hope I'll be able to have another chapter written by the first week of September. I do like writing, I do still like this story I've started and where it's going, and I'm not going to give up on it. But since this thing happened, I just can't think enough to write right now. *sighs* I hope you understand what I'm saying.

Currently Listening: Let You Down by Three Days Grace

I will let you down,
I'll let you down, I'll...
When you finally trust me,
Finally believe in me.

8.10.2008

Everything is on hiatus.

Good-bye.

Currently Listening: Tomorrow by Sixx:A.M.

Nothing's gonna last forever,
And things can change like the weather.
They're gone in the blink of an eye.

8.06.2008

Fanfiction blues

I fail at writing. I'll try to have it up by the end of the week, but I'm seriously NOT in the mood to write right now. Sorry :/
I've actually been thinking of just putting it on hiatus for now, but I guess we'll see.

And I've just been such a fucking idiot lately. I mean seriously. I've taken to stammering as I speak. Like wtf? I only ever used to stammer when I was reading aloud. My skill at the art of conversation has pretty much disappeared entirely and I keep doing things that just make me feel bad. ARG. I'm so tired of being like this, and tired of trying not to be. Just tired. Wish I could give up. *sighs*.

Currently Listening: Love and Trust by Our Lady Peace

Will you break my fall when I climb too high?
I always lose my nerve, it happens every time.
Will you bring me home when I'm barely alive?
It's the state of love and trust.
This is for you.
This is for us.

8.04.2008

Hidden inside ourselves...is the fangirl waiting to be let out.

Oh yay!

I've opened up Word again and am going to try my hand at ANOTHER Nightwish fanfic. A fluffy one though ^.^. Not like OMG I'M BEING RAPED BY FLUFF, but like awww. hahaha. And also omg icons icons icons. I got uber inspired tonight! I'm also trying to find some lyrics in my library that could represent Marco, Emppu and Jukka. I think I have some for Jukka. Anette's is done already, obviously, hence the wallpaper I made with said lyrics. I've got what I'll probably use for Tuomas'. Wallpapers are fun to make, hopefully one day I'll actually be good at it. Jacoby's got one coming up too. Because I wuv him so.

And I'm totally an Oomph! fangirl haaaaaah. Well, I'm not as obsessed with them as I was with Nightwish when I first heard of them (that was an obsession that grew quite rapidly following my introduction to Amaranth), but it's there and they make me happy. I'm deffers ordering their new album when it comes out. And while we're talking about them, some very nice and awesome person subbed their video for Beim Ersten Mal Tut's Immer Weh in English. Which adds a completely different perspective, for me at any rate :p. It's awesomesauce though. Epic amounts of awesomesauce.

And now to see if my muse can get something out despite the fact that it's 3 in the morning.

OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD. I watched the videos of Nightwish at Wacken and OH GOD IT IS SO AWESOME *dies*. *will continue on about this tomorrow on LJ*.

Ta!

Currently Listening: Lovehatetragedy by Papa Roach

Human behaviour, peculiar it seems.
Some thrive on hate and some love and dream.
Everyone's got a purpose and wants to be loved.
I think I found my purpose, I think I found love
Hidden inside myself.

8.02.2008

squeefest!

THIS IS HAPPY-MAKING!

I'm SO going to see it when it comes out. I've really missed the good ol' fashioned animation movies *sadface*.

THANK YOU DISNEY!! *bows and worships* A real cartoon and it isn't even a sequel!

Sorry. Anyways, I am working on further backgrounds and junk, though I think I should probably just start writing the fanfic again. I'm working tomorrow (ugh), but I have Sunday 'til Friday off, so that's pretty nice.

Currently Listening: Just Like You by Three Days Grace

You thought you were there to guide me,
You were only in my way.
You're wrong if you think that I'll be
Just like you.